Mental

51 | c o m f o r t i n g

"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder."

— Jim Morrison

/ / e v e l y n / /

She's really gone.

My mother's really gone.

My mother's gone and I'm the reason for that. I look down at my palms and they still have her blood on them. I swallow hard and quickly look away from my bloody hands. Once we get to wherever we're going, I'm going to take a shower. I need to scrub all of this off of me. Hopefully if I don't lose my mind while I'm in the shower, I won't scrub too hard and scrub my skin off.

"Zayn likes this car." Zayn says from the back seat. "He thinks the seats are really nice. Zayn wants a car. Will the big, scary man get Zayn a car? He thinks he will. Will he, Louis?"

"I don't think so," Louis says and stops at a stop sign. He waits for any approaching traffic and when no cars appear, he keeps straight.

Zayn sighs, "Why not? Zayn can drive."

"Do you even have a license?"

"A...what?"

"Be nice," I whisper to Louis. "All he wants is a car. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Never mind," Louis says and places a hand on my thigh. He gives it a small squeeze and I want to place my hand on top of his. "You can ask Harry next time we see him."

"If he's back...does that mean he'll go back to...you know?" I can't help but ask.

"What? Feeding on our fear?" Louis asks and my silence is my answer. "I know he'll start back eventually. When? Probably when we least expect it. I know this is too soon, but if you don't want him feeding on you, you have to get rid of that fear of yours."

"What fear?" I ask him.

"The fear that is growing inside of you right now. The fear of you getting caught because of what happened not even an hour ago," he explains and I close my eyes before pinching the bridge of my nose. Of course, I'm afraid of getting caught for killing my mother. If I do get caught, everything's going to go downhill. People I know will never be able to look at me the same because they know what I did. I don't any of this to happen. If I do what I am told, I won't get caught. If I listen to Louis this time, everything will be fine.

"I'll work on it," I whisper.

"Hey," he says and moves his hand from my thigh to my hand. I'm glad he doesn't mind about the blood. "Everything is going to be fine. You just have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

"Zayn trusts you," Zayn says.

I laugh, "I trust you, Louis."

"Good," Louis doesn't move his hand away from mine. "We'll stay with my mother for as long as we can and then we'll eventually have to move on to a new place. Hopefully, I can talk my mother into giving me some cash to help us once we leave."

"Zayn has money," he says from the backseat. "He...He's rich!"

"Now isn't the time, Zayn," Louis says.

I look over my shoulder at Zayn, "Where'd you get money from?"

"A black purse back at the apartment," he explains and holds up a wallet for me to see. My eyes widen and I take it from him. He gasps but I don't care. I open the wallet and the first thing I see is my mother's driver's license.

"Zayn took my mother's wallet."

"Does she have any cash?" Louis asks.

I check inside of the wallet and sigh in relief when I see green, "Yeah, but not much. My mother never carried a lot of cash on her. She always used her credit cards."