Caught by love. (Boys over Flowers)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

The rain made me feel so peaceful; when it rained I was teleported into a world of no worries and calmness. The streets so desolate but still alive with the pitter patter of droplets made me smile at the sky. Hair wet, clothes wet, walking like I was the only girl in the world *BEEP BEEP* Crap!, I almost tripped over my own foot in the middle of the road, my train of thought was lost and I held a hand out in surrender towards the angry car driver as I ran across the road and made my way to my workplace; the library. The warmth that enveloped me as I walked into the library made me feel at home and safe. Mr. Stanley gave me a friendly nod, as I made my way to the bathroom to dry my jacket and my broken umbrella, the wind is quite ferocious in little London.

I sat behind the counter, with the typical view of the streets ahead, and Corden school, summer holiday had just begun, and yes, it's raining! but I sucked that all up and decided to make most of this month, to find myself, and help people. Seems like my mindset changed in a matter of a few weeks, Clarissa is on a family vacation to Barcelona, and mum and her boyfriend are pretty happy, mum isn't as bad anymore, ever since she found out she was pregnant two months ago she has been looking at me better, smiling at me, loving me. It would be a lie if I said I wasn't as excited as mum about the new baby, just imagine having a little brother or sister. Considering the empty atmosphere in the library, I decided to pick up a few books for myself, I searched around every nook and cranny and shelf of the library but no book here made me want to read them. I looked up to one of the bookshelves and saw a little corner of a book sticking out. Hmmm... weird, with the ladder I staggered up the steps and reached out for the book, once it was in my grasp I climbed down and went back to the counter. I looked at the cover, the spine, the back... there was no writing, literally just a plain brown colour, the material was different as well, not like how a big, hardback book feels, it felt soft and smooth in my hands. I opened up the book and was met with 'My Diary'. I flipped to the next page

'July 26th 1968

Dear Diary,

I cannot adhere to anymore of what this woman has to say, she has shackled me to chains and I feel so helpless and oh so useless, my mind is tormented by what might happen at any moment, if she comes into my bedroom she assaults me with words, tells me how I am a mistake and her life would have been so much better without me, that I am the reason for the death of my father. That looking at me makes her want to stick daggers into my heart. I fear for my life. I am scared of her, I am scared of my mother. When I go out I cover up properly to hide the marks, but people look at me, they still look at me! I sometimes see them showing me horrid looks, I know it's because of my mother, she spreads rumours about me, that I am a bad girl, that I am a whore! But I am not, I am only 17, I just want to feel normal, I want to have friends at school. I'm so lonely.

Lissa'

I set the book back on the table, opened, as I just thought of what I had read, I was reading someone else's diary, wasn't that a breach of privacy, it doesn't look like something this library has. I turned to the inside of the front cover, there was no library logo, and no barcode. I scanned the library, Mr. Stanley was nowhere in sight, I gathered up my courage and turned the page from the last diary entry.

'July 27th 1968

Dear Diary,

The weirdest thing happened to me today, a boy smiled at me. I'm trying not to over react or exaggerate but it was a proper, absolute smile and it made me feel queasy in the stomach, like a group of butterflies had erupted. It happened in the library next to the park with a statue of a dolphin, I was just reading, and when I looked up, across on the next table was a boy, he seemed to just be staring at me, and I honestly didn't know what to do, so I quickly hid my head behind my book, and when I cautiously looked up again, he was still looking, but he looked different, he was smiling, and I swear, it was the most beautiful sight in the world, my heart beat escalates just thinking and writing about it, not once in my seventeen years of life have I ever experienced anything like this, and I did the most peculiar thing in return, I smiled back... I smiled back, and he looked like he was about stand from his chair until... until a girl ran up to him and hugged him, she hugged him and said ' I missed you so much' and then sat next to him and started chatting to him. I automatically felt stupid, of course, why wouldn't some gorgeous, handsome guy like him not have a girlfriend, she was pretty too, unlike me... so before I could embarrass myself anymore I quickly packed up and left my table, I walked past his table and he locked eyes with me, I was lost in a sea of green for a second until I unlocked it and rushed out of the library, I can still feel his stare on my back that brought shivers up my spine. Anyway, that's what happened today, and I need to desperately get the mesmerising image of a boy with brown hair and green eyes out of my head if I am to finish off my homework.

Lissa'

I took a deep breath as I finished reading the entry, that was intense, like really intense, and I was officially totally engrossed in this woman's life. Who is Lissa?, without a second hesitation, I carefully pushed the book into my bag, I was going to give it back, I just wanted to read this diary, it was calling me to read it, and I happily obliged.

The clock struck 8:00pm when I waved goodbye to Mr. Stanley and set out towards home from the library, the breeze and the soul less streets was unsettling but I set it all behind me. I could hear laughter from the park ahead of me, a group of boys having a joke among themselves, the sky wasn't too dark, summer days meant long days, the rain has disappeared and the night was shining with the moon high up in the sky. I walked to the store to pick up some bread, as I handed my money to the cashier, the TV above caught my eyes, it was Zach, promoting a new male scent, I looked at him, the dark hair, blue eyes, and just like that I looked away, and as I walked out of the store and walked towards my house I couldn't help but think of the last day before the summer holiday. Zach and his crew all huddled in a convertible parked outside the school, girls as well, one literally throwing herself at Zach, he pushed her away with a look of disgust, we met eyes as I walked past him, but he looked distant, cold, and he looked away, and grabbed the girl. I obviously looked away at that point, what happened next can be left to anyone's imagination, tutoring had finished early, seeing that Zach had improved rapidly, I insisted the tutoring stop, and with the ending of our tutoring came the ending of our connection. I liked it that way, but I still felt a unusual ache in my heart when the thought that I would never be able to talk to Adam... or Zach for that matter as well. School starts again after the holiday, and maybe I need this time, this time alone to sort myself out, to sort my life out, exciting things were happening in my life and I want it to stay that way.