Dear Diary (slow updates)

J.2.15

Dear diary,

1) Midnight thoughts

I went to church camp a couple weeks ago and I didn't know anyone there. I would write in this notebook my thoughts and I've never shared them with anyone.

1) Where do I come from? I know that my mom is Spanish and my dad is part German (isn't everyone?) just think about it; Bella. Why was I born? Did I have a purpose? Will I be remembered in the world? The only thing in life that I want is to be remembered.

I honestly have no idea where I come from. I have so many questions that will go unanswered until the day I die. Why don't I make friends easily? Why do my parents want me to live up to be social able when they know I just... Can't? Was my mom shy too? Was this just a trait I untainted by myself? What do people think of me? Do they think I'm shy or mean? That leads me to my next question- why are people mean? Why do I let them walk all over me?

Sometimes I want to talk to people so badly, but that doesn't come easily and sometimes... I just can't. It doesn't work. Why doesn't it work?

There's something I love doing. I love getting my hair colored crazy colors. My mom thinks that it's just something that I'd like to try but I want it colored all the time. There's this person... Green and pink hair and it just goes together perfectly and older people with colored hair... My oh my. I want to be them. I want to change my current situation and just be someone... DIFFERENT. Will that kill people? No! Then why do you act like something will? There the people I want to be and no one seems to understand. I want to be those people. And the world won't exempt me.
Why can't you take me as I come? Why?

HerDarkBeauty