Ambivalence || TAEJIN

Karma

It's pinch black everywhere. I don't know where I am going, but I still keep walking. Where am I? I don't know. What I am doing here? I don't know. I don't even know how I am myself here. It's feels like I am walking for long, my feets swollen but still I am walking helplessly. Until-

Until I saw someone standing a few miles before me. I can figure out its a boy and its kinda familiar. His back faced towards me. Light illuminating the whole place which is coming from him. I started walking towards him but I felt as if he is going further. Soon, I started running but it's of no use cause it feels like the more I chase the more he is going far from me.

Soon my legs became weak and I fell on my knees. Now panting heavily. Sweat dripping from my forehead, I rubbed them and slowly lifted my head but was shocked to see a familiar face staring at me, wearing the same dress which he wore on my birthday and unconsciously I whispered,
" Jin??"

The expression which he was having before change within a second, now he is having a hurt one and soon he started sobbing loudly. He has fallen into the ground and kept on mumbling " why did you hurt me Taehyung!!! Why just why??? What did I do wrong!!! Why did you Taehyung!! Why just why???"

My heart is broken into pieces, I want to go and hug him, but can't my legs has become stiff. Neither can I speak anything, I don't know I felt as if I am paralyzed. But after a few minutes when I saw Jin's sobs has died down. I felt myself moving again. I felt myself walking towards him, but soon I stopped on my trance, when I saw a faceless guy hugging jin from behind,his one arm wrapped around his shoulder and the other on his waist. Jin seemed so relaxed by his warmth.

Tears streaming down from my face. I shouted Jin's name, but it was in vain. Coz neither did he look at me nor did he even feel my presence. He seems so lost in that guy's arms. Suddenly jin got up and held the other guy's hand, he smiled at him and then started walking towards the opposite side, not even glancing at me whose throat has become hoarse by constantly shouting his name. My legs has given up once again, and I don't even have the power to lift them from the ground, so that I can stop him.

I saw how he and that guy had reached a door, the place around me again void of light just filled with darkness. The very next thing happened made my world upside down. When I had lost all of my hope, seeing jin with someone else other than me, he turned around to glance at me, but this time instead of a hurt expression his face held a cold demeanor and I heard him saying,

"Goodbye Taehyung"

He opened the door, he and that guy vanished. I just stood still in that darkness again, the light from my life gone again. The very next thing I know I broke down constantly hitting the floor with my hand. I can feel blood is flowing from my hand, as I can feel a thick fluid beneath it. I just laughed bitterly for a while it feels like I am going crazy. After a while this laughing was replaced by constant chanting of Jin's name.
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Taehyung woke up frantically, sitting on his bed he tried looking where he was. It's their living room, bottles of alcohol lying here and there on the floor. His breathing still uneven. His pajama soaked in sweat. He felt a salty taste on his lips, he traced his face to see he was actually crying. So all that was a bad dream. But why did that dream seem so real. Why did he feel he will lose him again. He kept on asking himself questions. Until he started feeling frustrated he pulled his own hair. And groaned. It has been months of that incident but still why does it feels it was just yesterday.

Yoongi and Jimin's words replaying in his head over and over. He has misunderstood Jin. He still remembers how he was so adamant about the fact. But when Jimin slapped him right on his cheeks to make him listen, he just stood there still and listened to every word Jimin uttered. That's the very day his world started collapsing.