Blurry Lines *first draft*

16

Frome my answer Joey's bright smile had returned upon his face making me return the smile back hearing he wanted to spend some time with me was nice. I mean the thought was nice, just the thought of being there in a party where Conner was made my stomach just drop. Without Jackie around this jerk had a better chance to say stuff to me and if Joey gets busy with the rest of the time then what would I even do? Maybe if anything happens I could blame it on them being drunk?

We split from there walking back over towards the parking lot. I soon regretted my choices and words. We both went our own way Joey had gone back with his team where they all ran off back to the lockers room. I on the other hand went back over to the girls who at this point were leaning on each other happily to get some time together. Walking up towards the car resting up against the side, trying to get in. I wanted to take it back. The two noticed I had returned by the third time I pulled on the door handle wanting in.

"Well?" Niki asked, placing a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek "how is it going?"

"I agreed to a party..."

The two froze and turned their heads over at me, both surprised. I was even surprised at my own words.

"You and a party?" Jessie asked. I nodded.

My head laid on the window of the car window letting myself just slide down "I got lost in thought and without much thinking I agreed. The whole team, the school... I would rather be left outside in a storm than this." If I hid in the car would the girls help cover that I had already left? No, probably not this guy knows where I live. He would just appear at my house then I'm sure to be a goner if Martha finds out I agreed to a party.

"Oh you're gonna be fine we're going too" Niki said, pulling away walking over towards me giving my head a small pat then grabbing the back of my shirt. She pulled me up or at least tired. Turns out she was invited for the party as it's mainly a birthday party. The soccer team win was an added plus, ok so I wouldn't be alone although the thought made my knees weak. I pulled away walking back over towards the door wanting my bed right about now. With my forehead resting against the door I took a deep breath. I can do this clearly and I can avoid people...right?

I wish I said no. I also wish I could say I had actually ended up enjoying myself at the party, but no, sadly that's not what happened. After Joey got out sending me a text to meet him at his car so we could head off. My heart was running its own race pulling up to the house.

"On second thought maybe I should be home...you know Martha and.." Joey had already climbed out of the car, stretching out his. I sighed, getting out myself now facing the house clearly owned by a family who owns more than us as the house was bigger than my little town home along looking more new. It almost felt like a slap of showing off in some sort of way.

Joey walked over to my side, placing a hand on my shoulder snapping out of my head "just stick with me. I'm guessing this is your first time being at one of these parties."

"Uh? No" I lied "I have been to a few..." he raised a brow. "Ok, fine, It's all new. I normally never got asked to join or would dare come without Jackie." The thought of my first high school party without Jackie hurt. We both talked about it even back when we were in middle school around the time I finally got used to having this guy around. I had to shake it off. I can't hang onto the thought of what if's for Jackie. With a deep breath I followed Joey in who led the way over towards the door just letting himself in as if this was another home for him.

Inside the music was loud making my chest vibrate, weaving through the crowd of people, clutching tightly on the fabric of Joey's shirt as he led the way to what I think is the kitchen. I hate it here. I truly do not want to be here ready to turn around and just walk home not caring it would take me a few hours to get home. If I called Ruben I was sure to be dead or would it be Martha that would snap? I don't know. I can't really think so many thoughts were rushing in and out enough out of it that I didn't realize we were in the kitchen until a cup was being held out for me. I blinked looking at the cup pushing it away.

"I don't think I should" the thought of drinking it made my stomach twist and not in a good way. The smell even just standing here was able to hit my nose making my skin crawl at the thought of it. I can't remember...no, I don't know why my head was screaming a big NO as we got handed the cups.

A few of the guys did a small boo and others acted "oh come one."

I held my tongue. What will it take for them to understand I don't want this. I was saved by another hand taking the cup away watching Joey pour whatever was in the cup into his ending there between if I would take the cup or not. One of the sighs mumbling a fine, pointing over to the jars of juices on the counter. That I will take, however I stared at the lemonade with a hard glare. Was it really worth trying this? I guess? No?...I don't know but what I do know I don't want to be the only one just standing around as others around me have fun. It's an odd feeling. I shouldn't have this feeling of needing to fit in with the others getting wasted but there was a part of me that wanted to understand what the other guys felt- what was Joey feeling. I was left alone after that the guys from the soccer team pulled him and with worry spread across his face he looked back at me almost asking if this was ok of an idea which I gave him a thumbs up. As much I wanted to fight keeping him close by.

Minutes felt like they turned into hours as I stood off to the side with my cup in hand enjoying the music at least that it was at first until now the feeling of everything kind of moving and suddenly it was hot in here. My stomach had also begun to turn not in a good way, almost feeling something come back up. I need to get out of here so maybe some air would help so I stumbled my way through the crowd getting bumped and shoved as I tired making way back over towards the kitchen hoping that would be a safe spot.

I don't know how I ended outside but I found my way through the crowd taking a different turn, almost being shoved along with a few others who had made it towards outside and I just followed behind. The soft breeze of the night was pleasant. It almost helped snap me out of whatever was going through my head but that feeling of something coming back up was stronger. I had crouched down by a bush, something away from the rest of the party. It was kind of  quiet, it felt nice until I began to breathe heavily. It didn't hit till now all of this it made me so uncomfortable it just made me tremble in a way I haven't done in a long time. My eyes began to water sinking down onto my knees, no longer able to hold myself from just letting it break. It brought back some type of memory still blurry of figures but the smells around me made the picture much more clear. I felt like a kid again covering my ears as the ringing sound get louder and then suddenly almost as if I hoped there was a voice.

"There you are" someone called out their footsteps becoming clearer as they got close, "Niki mentioned you walking outside." Joey had stopped by my side looking down at me with soft eyes almost seemed to be filled with something as his brows knitted.

He spoke softly "Cj you good? How much did you drink?"

Drink? I didn't. I scuffed, placing a hand over my mouth. "All I had was that juice. You know in the kitchen..." He sighs, lowering a cup down for me to take yet this made me react by slapping the cup away. I didn't want anything he was handing me.

"It's just a water dummy. You had the juice? Please tell me you didn't...," I stayed quiet. "Fuck. Dude you had the spike one I know he was trying something I should have stayed."

We sat there in silence, him trying to hand me the cup again of what was supposed to be water but I turned my head away. The idea of drinking anything else right now I think I just might throw it all up.