The Captain and her Roomie

Chapter 26 - Let me go

*TW - massive tw, talks of self harm, suicide, Ed, mental health disorders*
_________________________________________The rest of the ride was quite quick despite the fact someone gave Millie and Rach a speaker, you were scrolling through Instagram when you came across a post, it was one Gabby posted the night before she got ran over
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GabbyWalts22

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So so proud of my mini me, Y/n we're all buzzing for you go smash the euros my girl I'll be in the stands every match
Comments
Y/nY/l/n22 Love you lots Gabs
StephHoughton She's gonna kill it on the pitch
LauraCoombs She's so grown up 🥹
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You were glad the coach stopped a few seconds later because you were on the verge of tears, you quickly grabbed your backpack and got off the bus leaving Leah confused. Everyone got off and Sarina gave you your rooms, you were with Leah like usual. You went to your room dropping your things off and left it trying not to speak to anyone because when you saw that post all of the emotions you had been keeping in escaped your body. It was around 7pm and going dark but you didn't care, you went outside and sat on a wall which led to a straight drop. Was this the night you did it? You were about to push yourself over the edge when you heard someone
"Y/n?"
It was Lucy
"Y/n don't do it please"
She knew exactly what you were about to do, she sat next to you.
"What's up kid?"
"I'm so tired Luce, she didn't keep her promise"
"What promise?"
"She promised she wouldn't leave me and she'd be in the stands of every game"
Lucy sighed and pulled you into a hug
"What are you doing?"
You asked
"It always helps when your overstimulated, it has done since I met you"
Lucy replied squeezing you, she was right because pressure really helped calming your emotions but this time it didn't work
"I want to go Luce, let me go please"
You begged
"No, gabby wouldn't want this and neither do any of us"
Lucy sounded stern but spoke softly at the same time
"I deserve to go"
Lucy let go of you as you said this, instead turning you to face her
"I what world does an amazing girl like you deserve this? The only thing you deserve is a loving group of people supporting you while you do what you want"
Lucy's eyes began welling with tears
"I'm sorry"
"Y/n"
"Sorry for saying sorry"
She just sighed and got off the wall, pulling you with her.
"What's going on in that mind of yours?"
She asked calmly walking with you
"I don't know, all I know is that everything's coming back and this time it won't stop"
She nodded at you almost telling you to continue
"I relapsed the other day, I don't know what happened my rehab was going so well. You already know that those thoughts came back again, stronger than before."
"I love you kid, I'd never ever be disappointed in you for relapsing and I'm glad I know about your thoughts, does anyone else know?"
"Leah and Alex know I relapsed but only you know about 'it', I think Niamh, Es and Lessi are figuring things out though"
"We're in it together mate, promise to tell me anything else though"
"Promise"
You lied through your teeth and you hated it but everyone knew enough, especially Lucy so the last thing she needed to know was about your anorexia and how your whole self worth depended on a number. You walked back inside and went to the gym, telling Lucy you didn't want to be around anyone at the minute.

Lucy's POV

Y/n had actually opened up to me properly for the first time in 5 years, I knew she wasn't telling all of the story but we were getting there
"Leah"
"Is she okay?"
Leah practically jumped off the sofa she was sat on
"She's as okay as she can be right now"
We walked outside of the room everyone was in so no one heard
"I'm scared she's gonna do something to herself Luce, her arms are covered in cuts and scars God knows what she'll do next"
Leah cared about Y/n so much it was hard to see her stressed but I knew she was just worried about the girl who was healing a heart she didn't break
"I know, I just need to warn you about something though"
"What?"
"After her episodes Y/n tends to go nonverbal, sometimes its 5 hours others it's days on end"
"Okay so if she's not speaking to me she's not angry she just can't regulate herself?"
"Pretty much yeah"
"Where is she?"
"Gym"
"I'm gonna go see her"
Leah then headed for the gym

Y/n's POV

You heard the door open and saw Leah walk in
"Hey pretty girl"
You physically couldn't force words out you just wwalked up to her and hugged her tighter than ever
"I love you so much Y/n, don't forget that"
You couldn't reply you just placed a soft kiss on Leahs lips and held her hand as you walked up to your room.
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Ig you could say this chapter is a portrayal of grief and mental health issues as an individual with Adhd, I've based it off of myself to hopefully put how someone can feel into writing :)

also so so sorry for the wait I kinda forgot I had this for a while and I've been stressed with schl but hopefully I'm back to it now not making any promises though :)