Fever dream • JJ Maybank

𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

"Hey" I says entering Jesse's room "you good? You doesn't seem good" he says "can we like, I don't know... get out of here or something?" I asks, in the verge of tears

"Hey what's going on?" He sits up as I sits next to him "I miss my friends, I just wanna get out of this... horror movie that I am in" I says

"You have to know how to get out, please" I begs "I am sorry Haley, I don't" he says "shit" I says getting upset "do you want me to go get Larry?" He asks

"No, he's just gonna say I should keep hoping, it's fucking exhausting, they could be fucking dead by know" I says

"It's okay, calm down" he says "don't tell me to fucking calm down" I says standing up "I get it, okay? You're scared, even terrified" he says

"Who can you get it? You know what- I don't need a therapy lesson, I don't need a group meeting so I could whine about my feelings and I don't need Larry telling me it's going to get better, what I need right now, is drugs. Something you can get me" I says

"I can't be locked up here okay? I am freaking out!" I adds "I'll find a way out" he says and I nods "good" I says

-

"So, tell me, how is it been?" My mom asks as she hugs me and sits next to me, she seems better "uh, you know I am already getting better" I lies with a smile

I don't want her to know, but ever since I got here it's been getting worse. I haven't really showed up to those group meetings a lot, I don't really talk with Larry.

I only have been really talking to Jesse, which is probably not the best idea while I am in recovery. We only talk about how we gonna get out of here

"That's great, it's good seeing you getting better" she says with a smile "yeah" I mumbles "have you heard from the Pogues?" I asks and she shakes her head

"I know it's hard for you right now, but try to focus on your recovery" she says "yeah, I'll try to focus on my recovery while my friends should focus on surviving" I says

"It's okay to feel guilt, but don't let that get into your head" she says and I roll my eyes "hey" she says making me face her

"I am sorry if I let you feel like your dad was your fault, it wasn't, and I am really sorry" she says "yeah yelling at me that I murdered him could 'let me feel that way' " I says

"And I would have to live with the way I treated you for the rest of my life, but what I am doing right now, is trying to fix things" she says

"Whatever you tell yourself so you could sleep at night" I says "hey that's rude, I am doing all of this, taking care of myself and you!" She says pointing at me

"For you, I am doing all of this for you" she says "great. Everyone is better and everything is just perfect. All thanks to you mom" I says

"You know what? I am really trying here, you could try too you know" she says "what do you think am I doing here?" I says

"I appreciate that you're here, I really do. I appreciate that you're willing to make an effort but Larry talked to me, he said you don't talk to much or shows up a lot" she says

"Because those meetings are boring" I says "but it's part of it" she says "I don't understand, being here is not enough?" I asks