TWISTED THOUGHTS(# 1)

DAHLIA HARPER

USER1138: WHAT A BEAUTY SHE IS!

I_LOVE_XYZ: DAHLIA IS THE BEST!

I was scrolling through my comments on my new post. All of them were positive.

THANK GOD!

I always see the comments to make sure that I am perfect in the eyes of everyone.

yes.   its true

Despite what I said about my bold personality, I am highly insecure. I was never insecure about anything, but that one person made me. And I don't wish to speak of it. I tried to move on after that incident, but I'm just convinced that everything he said or did was right.

I need to be perfect. 

I do everything to be perfect. I do so much exercise just to keep that ideal body shape. I barely eat anything at all. It's just the dinner I do with my family so that they don't feel that something is wrong. I give all my time to my shoots, modeling, and acting. why?

Just to be that perfectly perfect girl. and also,

I want to prove him wrong.

I want to escape my worst nightmares that still haunt me.

Josie pulled me out of my thoughts by hugging me from behind.

"Still checking the comments," she said while sitting besides me. "Come on, Lia. They are around ten thousand. Don't tell me you are going to spend the rest of the day just looking at them. Everyone loves you already."

"I know. but..."   I don't know what to say. She knows everything.

"Don't say you are into it again, Lia." She whispered. She alone knew my secret, not even my mom and dad.

My lack of response screamed the truth.

"Lia, please. You fucking promised me you'd never do that. I respected all your decisions until now, including the fact that you don't want to tell Uncle Christian about him. But don't let him into your head again. I thought we had it figured it out." She said that, and I could clearly see her disappointment behind those leafy eyes.

I was numb. I don't know what to say. How do I say that I broke the promise I made to her? She told me a thousand times and even helped me to do it. Josie was always there for me. If I hadn't had her, I don't even know if I would ever make it out of it. But I never moved on. My nightmares never stopped. Nor did I forget him.

"You are perfect. And even if you do everything in this fucking world, there will be someone hating on you. You built your success, but he did nothing but bitching in their room." She firmly held my hand in hers. "He will never know what you went through."

I didn't realize it when a tear slipped free. I quickly wiped it. I could break down anytime soon.