Secrets and Struggles

33

The first few days of the summer break had been bliss for the couple. They had lazed around the house, watching films and playing games with Max. He had headed away for a few days with P, which left Caitlyn and Lando alone. She was upstairs in her room, which was now only used when she wanted to write, whilst Lando was in the garden doing a workout. She had been scrolling the internet for hours, looking for a job. It felt like an impossible task as she didn't actually know what she wanted to do. Nothing made her happy other than writing but googling jobs that included writing had returned thousands of results. She could really apply for a job in any sector but that is where the issue arose. Did she want to work in fashion? or travel? or even sport? She had no idea.

She pulled herself away from her screen and huffed downstairs to make some fresh coffee. When Lando had first started speaking to her, he had mentioned going away in this break with his friends but he hadn't brought it up again and she didn't want to ask. She felt a bit jealous every time she thought about it. They had only just become a couple and this was a proper break away from racing for Lando this year but what if he was still planning to go away for two weeks with his friends. Where would that leave her? Lando's arms wrapping around her waist brought her out of her thoughts, but unfortunately not out of her slump.

L- Are you okay sweetheart? You were miles away

C- I'm fine Lando. I don't need to be happy and clingy all the time you know!

L- Okay...I know that. I was just asking 

C- Sorry, I've just got a lot going on in my head.

And with that, she grabbed her coffee and disappeared upstairs again. She felt the tears prick the back of her eyes as she sat back down at her desk. She was annoyed at herself for snapping at him like that but he just saw the world through rose tinted glasses all the time and her life was never that easy. She loaded up the job searches and started scrolling aimlessly again. After another hour or so, she decided she needed to get out of the house. She grabbed one of Lando's hoodies from the bedroom and went downstairs. As she walked down the hall, she could hear him streaming online so she text him to say she was going for a walk and left the house. The area around Lando's home was beautiful and secluded. The leafy lanes shielded her from the sun as she turned on some music and began walking. Lost in thought, she realised after an hour or so, that she had no idea where she was. Then she spotted something familiar.

It was a lookout point. It looked out over the rolling fields and forest in the distance and she instantly recognised it from the picture hanging in Lando's house. He had gotten into photography and had snapped this place one evening at dusk, telling Caitlyn it was his place to go when he wanted to think. As she sat for a while, her phone began to buzz in her pocket.

Lando- Hey darling, are you okay? You have been away for a while

Caitlyn- Yes I'm okay. I actually got a bit lost but then I stumbled on somewhere special to you. I'm at your thinking place

Lando- Oh  really? Gosh, you walked quite a distance. Can I come and join you?

Caitlyn- I'd like that. But...could you bring the car, I don't think I want to walk all the way back.

Lando laughed but agreed and headed out the house to meet his girl. After a short drive, he pulled into the parking layby and spotted her sitting on a bench. He took a minute to admire her beauty from afar, he really was the luckiest man alive, before climbing out the car and sitting down beside her. She instantly lay her head on his shoulder and let out a long sigh.

L- Whats up?

C- Just a lot of things.

L- Well do you know the perks of having a boyfriend? They are there to listen

Caitlyn smiled before giving him a loving kiss on the lips.

C- Its just I need to find a job, I can not and will not continue to live off of you. But all I know is that I want to write. Do you have any idea how many results come up when you search writing jobs? More than I could look at, lets just say that. Then there is the fact that you are going away to Greece with your friends soon. We only have three weeks off together and you will be away for two of them. And lastly, I got an email from the insurance company about my house and its just terrible

She let out another deep sigh before angrily wiping away the tears she had let fall

C- And to top it all off, I keep crying again! And I am being horrible to you for no reason

L- Baby, look at me. First of all, you are allowed to cry whenever you want. Your emotions are always important to me and don't ever stop showing me how you feel. I know you haven't really had the support network you needed growing up but you have me now okay?

Now, lets take it all one step at a time. You do not need to rush to find a job, you know you can stay with me and Max for as long as you like. You are not living off of me, you have been paying your share of things, just like we agreed when you moved in. But I know you want a job so why don't we sit down together after dinner and brainstorm what kind of things you might like to do then take it from there? 

I am still going away to Greece with the boys, it has been planned for a while but I have changed my flights so I am only going for 5 nights. I was going to surprise you and come home early but I guess I didn't really think about how it would make you feel, me being away for so long. I'm sorry

Lastly, what happened with the insurance company? You never told me you had heard from them?

C- I only got the email this afternoon. They have finished the investigation into the fire and concluded that my mum had been smoking in her bedroom and left a cigarette burning on the carpet. That's what caused the fire. They obviously couldn't tell me that she was drunk but I can almost guarantee she would have been. Michelle had phoned me the day before she died to say she had saw her in town and she was a mess. I just brushed it off as another breakup from the "love of her life" but it was obviously more than that. Anyway, the insurance company are only going to give me £45,000 which means I can either fund the rebuild/renovation myself or just get the house demolished. I don't know if I can see any way out of all this mess.

The angry tears Caitlyn had wiped away now became heartbroken sobs once again, as Lando held her. Ironically she now felt much better for speaking about it all. She had never had a "person" to offload to before, she was used to dealing with everything on her own. After a while of being in Lando's arms, him gently stroking her hair, the pair returned to the car and headed home. She didn't feel like cooking anything and Lando couldn't even make beans on toast so they decided to order some pizza and watch a film in bed. Caitlyn was emotionally exhausted from the day so they decided to postpone the job search to the following morning. Until then, they could relax and just enjoy the time together, with no "adulting" problems to deal with.