Secrets and Struggles

23

For my mum, Love Caitlyn x

For Grief by John O'Donohue

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.

Lando stood on the spot and read the words again. Suddenly it all made sense. He had heard mutterings about a local house that had gone on fire, killing the lady inside. He hadn't paid much attention to it because he didn't really know anyone in the village but it had to be her. He carefully placed the letter back where he found it and instead of turning to run back to his house which would be his normal route, he ran straight ahead into the village. He stopped at a florist and bought a small bouquet of flowers. He borrowed a pen and wrote a simple message on the card (Sorry xx). He ran back to the bench, left the flowers beside the letter and returned home.

Caitlyn had to go to the funeral directors to make final plans for the funeral which was going to be the next day. On her way back, she walked to the bench. It had brought her peace in the grief over the last week. As she approached her spot, she noticed the flowers sitting beside her note. She looked at the card confused. Nobody knew the importance of this place to her. She sat for a moment before heading back to the Cunningham's shop. 

The next morning, the day of the funeral, she took a walk past her old house before going to Michelle's to get ready. It was going to be a very small ceremony, not many people knew her mum and even less people liked her due to her partying antics. As the two girls climbed out of the car, Caitlyn could see a couple of familiar faces waiting outside the church. She had decided it should be as happy as possible, her mum was a party animal and it would only be fitting for it to be an upbeat ceremony. She had chosen some fun music and her and Michelle both told some funny stories of her mums "colourful" life. As the ten or so people moved to the graveside, the reality of everything hit Caitlyn and the tears finally came. They were unstoppable and she just let them come. Some more beautiful words were said along with one of her favourite poems by Maya Angelou. As people drifted away, she sat alone beside her mums grave.

She wasn't sure how long she had been there before she became aware of someone standing next to her. They were wearing a black suit. As she lifted her head slightly, she noticed they were laying a small bouquet down. The same ones from the bench. That's when Caitlyn properly lifted her head to see who had left them. Standing right beside her was no other than Lando. She wiped her eyes, unsure if she was imagining things but no, it was really him. He pulled her to her feet and took her into his arms.

L- I am so so sorry Caitlyn.

They stood in their embrace for who knows how long, even when it started to pour down with rain before Lando eventually took her hand and led her back to his car. They stayed in silence the whole time. Caitlyn stared out of the window in a trance, unaware that Lando was actually driving away from the village. A short while later, he pulled into his driveaway and pulled her from the car, carrying her bridal style through the front door and into the living room. The silence broken by his best friend and house mate, Max.

M- OMG Lando. You've brought a girl back? You never bring anyone here. 

L- Shut the hell up Max!!

Lando stormed past Max and up the stairs, Caitlyn still in his arms. He undressed her from the soaking wet clothes, and replaced them with one of his hoodies and joggers. He tucked the covers around her before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

L- Try get some rest darling. I will be downstairs if you need anything.

And with that, he turned off the lights and left her in his bed. She was so broken and he wasn't exactly sure what to do but he felt like this was the right thing. He went downstairs to Max again, and hit him lightly on the back before filling him in on everything. Who Caitlyn was and what had been going on. He, of course missed out the part about him writing poems to her, Max definitely didn't need to know that bit. 

M- Shit man, what a shame for her. I heard about the woman though. Apparently she was a bit wild and there is some suspicious circumstances around the fire.

L- Well I don't know what happened. Caitlyn didn't have much of a relationship with her mum but I do know she was the only family she had.

M- Well if you need me for anything, let me know mate.

L- Thanks bud. I am just going to let her sleep and then see what happens after that. I have this weekend off then its Silverstone so I won't need to travel and leave her any time soon

Lando spent the rest of the evening sitting on the floor beside his bed, ready to help her with anything if she needed it. At some point in the early hours, he dozed off, still lying on the floor beside her.