Heal me ( Namkook)

Chapter 29 : Turning Tides

One of those chapters that questioned my ability to write😂😬😬

Major Trigger Warning ⛔️

Namjoon ended the video before tossing his phone aside in a surge of frustration and  collapsing onto the cold floor.

A chilling numbness crept over him, locking him into place as if frozen in time. His heart throbbed with an unbearable ache..his body pleading for release from the suffocating weight of his emotions..yet he remained trapped in a scary silence.. Tears refused to come out,trapped behind a barrier of numbness that refused to yield. The emptiness and silence of the surroundings only amplified his inner turmoil, the only sounds that pierced the stillness were the relentless thud of his heart and the steady rhythm of his breath.

Gazing at his reflection in the large mirror, he recoiled in disgust. Exposed and vulnerable once again..he lay there as if he was lifeless, like a wounded animal..engulfed by an overwhelming sense of emptiness..feeling as if the essence of life had been drained from his very being..

He found himself engulfed in the unfortunate reality once more..realising the immense power his abuser still held over him. Despite his sincere efforts to break free and rebuild his life, he felt himself succumbing to the monster's demands yet again, witnessing helplessly as all his hard-earned progress crumbled before his eyes.

A big wave of disappointment and anger washed over him as he wrestled with a difficult question..was enduring this excruciating pain truly worth it? ..Perhaps, just perhaps..it wasn't!!

With a heavy heart, he rose from his position and slowly made his way to the kitchen as the the chill of the cold tiles bite at his bare feet with each step he took. He moved mechanically..his mind elsewhere..his nakedness forgotten as he focused solely on reaching his destination. It was as if he were operating on autopilot, detached from his own actions.

Upon reaching the kitchen his eyes scanned for a familiar object among the utensils..the small kitchen knife..neatly placed among the rest. His fingers closed around its handle..the cool metal sending shivers down his spine. With trembling hands, he raised the knife to his forearm where his old healed wound was..and hesitated for a moment before applying pressure on the same old spot .

A bittersweet sting pierced his senses as the blade sliced through his skin, leaving behind a thin trail of blood. He inhaled hard .. as the pain brought a surprising sense of relief which momentarily overshadowed the emotions swirling within him and leaving him craving for more .

As he continued to trace the knife's edge along his skin, a sense of calm began filling his insides numbing the chaos that raged inside. When he finally felt done, he exhaled deeply and allowed the pain to wash over him. Rolling his head back, he surrendered to the sensation..letting it consume him entirely.

And then, a sudden thought crossed his mind..he wondered if inflicting the same cut elsewhere would finally put an end to his agony forever. He stared at the blood smeared metal piece in his hand and without any hesitation, he raised the knife towards his throat..towards the pulsating nerves that carried his life..tempted to enact his desperate solution.

But before he could act, the sudden ring of his phone shattered the moment..jolting him back to reality. Startled,he dropped the knife, his breaths coming in labored gasps as he came out of the dark thoughts . His senses began to clear up and he horrifiedly stared at the blood staining his kitchen floor. He wiped his hands quickly and pressed them over the cuts he had made into his skin.

"Fuck!" he cursed under his breath, grabbing some kitchen towels to stop the bleeding.

—

Namjoon returned to his room to check his phone, which had stopped ringing. He looked at the missed call and saw that it was from his brother. Before he could dial back, the phone rang again.