A Ghost of Snow

21. Feels Like Something

Wei Wuxian was currently on his way to the Lanshi walking alongside Lan Zhan. He kept stealing glances at the beautiful golden-eyed person. He had always thought that there was more to Lan Zhan than just being a rule-abiding jade statue, but what, that he could not figure out. He understood that he needed to focus on finding a solution for Baixue as soon as possible but he couldn't help it. He wanted to know. Ever since they had stepped foot in Cloud Recesses the previous day, Lan Zhan kept close. He left Wei Wuxian's side for some time to let him  process the information that his Grandmaster's letter had brought forth, and let's just say that didn't really end well. But other than that, it looked to Wei Wuxian that Lan Zhan had constantly been trying to stay close. Besides that, he couldn't understand what Lan Zhan meant by what he had said moments ago all the while having him pinned against the wall. He had questions alright! A lot of them!

When they entered the Lanshi, they were greeted by a smiling Lan Xichen, a scowling Lan Qiren and a very stoic-faced Baixue. Lan Qiren noticed that Wei Wuxian's face lit-up with amusement as he kept glancing at her. Honestly, he was getting more and more annoyed with the fact that he couldn't understand what the matter with this young man was, he hadn't even bothered to look at Baixue yesterday after the revelation, and now, he was staring and smiling, "What is it?", Lan Qiren couldn't help but ask.

"What is what?", Wei Wuxian asked, a little confused, his head tilted to one side, while his fingers scratched his nose.

"Cute", Lan Wangji thought, though his face remained expressionless.

"You keep smiling, looking at her. What is it?", Lan Qiren elaborated on his question. Wei Wuxian was taken aback, he didn't think anyone would notice, he scratched the side of his neck as he replied with a small smile still playing on his lips, "Eh...That... Grandmaster Lan, I...I just thought that with that cold face, she looks more like Lan Zhan's sister than mine."

"With that face she looks more like your love-child with him.", Lan Xichen murmured under his breath, but everyone still heard it. Wei Wuxian broke into a coughing fit to cover up the red that had creeped up his cheeks. Lan Wangji was no different, his ears were red from embarrassment and his hold on Bichen tightened significantly. Lan Qiren wanted to hit Lan Xichen on the head, but kept reminding himself of self-restraint that he had practiced meticulously all his life. He refused to let anyone except Wei Wuxian and his mother be on the list of people who made him snap.

Baixue stood there, looking at them, wondering what it was that made their faces look so different in just a matter of seconds. She couldn't understand; the only expression she had ever seen on her Master's face was that of sadness and grief, maybe guilt, she did not know. It wasn't that her Master hadn't treated her well, if anything she doted on the girl. She crafted the sword for Baixue with her own hands, working day and night, it had taken almost two months for her to do it but she had never complained about it. She made sure that the robes she wore had the softest fabric. She even trained her so she could always protect herself. Even though all of Baixue's life Baoshan Sanren always made sure that she was comfortable, she had in fact failed to teach the girl what it meant to feel happy, sad, angry, loved, anything at all. It was only recently that Baixue realised that all her Master did was because she had loved her mother, Cangse Sanren like her own daughter, it was the guilt of not being able to save her that the immortal spared no effort in fulfilling her last wish and making sure that her daughter got everything she could ever want. This guilt was also the reason she had found a way to make things right in her own way. However, she had only ended up making them worse.

Regardless of how things had turned out, Baixue was still thankful to her Master for giving her a chance to live and everything else that she had done for her. All of her life, her Master's was the only face she had seen and the only voice she had ever heard which held nothing but a sense of renunciation. She tried to make sense of the fleeting emotions that flickered on the faces of the people around her but couldn't.

It was only when Lan Qiren cleared his throat that her chain of thoughts was broken, "Lan Xichen, are you still the sect leader? Is this how I have raised you? Or have you forgotten the rules and are just itching to get punished?", although he tried to sound angry but Baixue noticed that his voice held an atypical softness that wasn't there when he talked to Master Wei or even her.

"Sorry", Lan Xichen said with his usual smile. Oh! He wasn't sorry at all. It had been so long, he had seen his brother get flustered, it was fun. His smile tugged at Baixue's heart, it gave her a sense of warmth, something she wasn't really familiar with. She wondered what it was that made him different from Master Wei, he smiled all the time too. But his smile did nothing to move her heart, it meant nothing to her, but this man, who wore beautiful grey robes, whose forehead was adorned with a beautiful cloud motif, a man she knew absolutely nothing about, made her want to understand what it felt like to feel in general. Maybe, if he agrees, she would like to be by his side for as long as they were alive because he made her feel something, she did not know what it was, but something was better than nothing, right. This man had managed to make her feel that she was probably a human too, just by merely existing.

"Grandmaster Lan, I want to ask permission to access the library so I can find something to help this young lady.", Wei Wuxian said while bowing down to his former teacher.

"No.", Lan Qiren's answer made Wei Wuxian and the others look at him in what resembled shock and confusion. "But I-", Wei Wuxian was cut off by Lan Qiren before he could ramble on about useless things, he raised his hand as he spoke,"You will work here, whatever books or scrolls you need, find them and bring them here to read." Seeing the confused expression that was etched on the younger's face, Lan Qiren explained further, "The library is open to all disciples in the Cloud Recesses. If you want to keep it a secret, it is better if you work somewhere private."

As realisation dawned on him, Wei Wuxian's face lit up and he smiled, "Let's get started then."

Although he was smiling as usual, there was something about it that did not settle well with Lan Qiren. It felt like Wei Wuxian was deliberately trying to sound cheerful. He wanted to ask this young man more than a few questions but restrained himself for the time being. They should go one step at a time, right?

*****

Hey guys!

There might be a change in the ages of the characters from the original story. Here, Wei Wuxian is going to be significantly younger than Lan Wangji. He is also supposed to be younger than Jaing Cheng. Because I think he's just a little baby who deserves to be babied! 👼🏻

Hope you enjoy!🐇