The reflection of the Queen: Exile

Chapter 17

 My cry of surprise died in my throat, and for a second I couldn't even react. It was only when Eneas' lips moved over mine and one of his hands gripped my hip that I processed what was happening. The man I hated the most was kissing me.

I put a hand on his chest in an attempt to get him to pull away, but he bit down hard on my lower lip, hurting me. When he slid a hand down the side of the soaked bodice of my dress, I turned my face away, kicked him in the knee and pushed him as hard as I could. I got him to move away, stood up from the chair and took a defensive stance. My mouth tasted like blood.

Eneas staggered and stared at me, with a terrifying restrained rage. I felt it too, but to him I showed a trembling attitude with some fear, just enough not to ruin my performance from before, but also to make him think twice before approaching me. That didn't mean that, if he ever thought of trying that again, I wouldn't defend myself tooth and nail no matter what the consequences. I was completely disgusted by what had just happened, and horrified to think what his intentions might have been. The meters between us didn't seem like enough, but just then someone knocked on the door.

"Your Highness? We are about to dock, Lady Persie should be up shortly."

"That will be done," he replied, without taking his eyes off me. He went to the door and, before leaving, he said: "You and I are gonna have a talk."

Once alone, I sat down again and put a hand over my heart, which was beating wildly. Never had any man other than Rodion dared to kiss me or touch me like that. And I, accustomed to warmth and gentleness, was unsettled by the disdain and rudeness the prince had shown me.

I didn't expect anything else if I married him. The hatred between us would never change, would never go away. I wasn't going to spend my whole life being treated like this, I decided. I wasn't going to allow it.

My hand went from my heart to the side of the bodice that Eneas had not touched. I instantly felt the hardness that betrayed the mirror underneath. Had he touched me simply because he wanted to... or to check if I had lied to him? Was he really that twisted? It was clear to me that the answer to that question was yes.

I said nothing to her as I got off the boat, nor did I speak to any of the Aursongs on the way home, where a rebuke awaited me from Gracelie about the behavior of a lady, the dignity of the family, and how tremendously undeserving I was of the honor that had been bestowed upon me. I endured it impassively, barely listening: what had happened on the boat had dulled my mind, and I could think of nothing else, so my stomach churned over and over again.

Once in my room, I made Loana leave. Just because I had become noble, I had not forgotten how to undress, and, besides, I was not going to risk her seeing the mirror that, as soon as she came out, I put under my mattress, next to Lokih's. I already had two forbidden objects in my possession, and I planned to accumulate more.

As soon as I lay down in bed that night, I knew I would not be able to sleep. I had too many things to think about, and things I didn't want to think about. If this had happened to me a few months ago, I would have snuck up to Clariess' room, she would have lit a candle, and we would have spent hours talking quietly. The next morning, she'd plead a migraine to stay in bed longer, which would mean getting out of her lessons, and I'd go pretend to babysit her so we could laugh all day. But, of course, that was when I didn't have a last name, wore brown, and we didn't sleep in the same wing of the house.

I tried futilely to fall asleep so that I could talk to the Dream Man, but, by the time the moon was high in the sky, like a pearl set in black velvet, I was still wide awake. My insomnia still tormented me mercilessly, and probably the next day I would have shadows under my eyes and in them, which would make anyone who pretended to approach me recoil. I was used to it, as that was practically my natural state.