Blanks

6 - Counseling

Andy picked me up at 12:30 on the dot even bringing me a burrito from the street cart vendor that was by the courthouse for me to eat on the way. He knew I would need to eat.

The car ride was silent and I kept wanting to reach out to hold his hand, a normal act for us when he drove but right now was not the time and I didn't even know if I could. Andy left his one hand off the wheel just in case it could happen but right now I couldn't.

We got to the office and Andy signed us in. We sat in the waiting room that was empty and we just waited. The therapist came out and saw us sitting there and gave a small smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Barber?" She asked. We both gave a nod. We got up and walked in together. Once inside her office we sat down in the chairs and she sat behind a desk.

"So, why don't one of you tell me a little bit about why you are here and what went wrong?" She asked. I looked at Andy as he spoke up.

"I lied to her and have been for about a year."

"About what?" The therapist asked and was writing down notes.

"When I was previously married, the marriage wasn't great, and I didn't want an accident to happen, so I had a vasectomy. When that marriage ended, and I met Mel she was vocal about wanting to have children and I never told her it wasn't a possibility." Andy explained. The therapist was just taking notes.

"I had been taking the tests, pills, shots everything I could think of or what was suggested to me by my fertility doctor to help me get pregnant since it wasn't happening. He watched me do all of this and never said anything. I felt betrayed." I said.

"Andy why weren't you honest from the start?" The therapist asked.

"I don't know. It was like every time I thought it was a good time to tell her she was coming home from, yet another appointment and it seemed like the wrong time."

"That would have been the best time! After the first damn appointment Andy! It wasn't going to happen by magic! You were shooting blanks and didn't even care what I was going through." I said turning to looked at him.

"I did care Mel! I was just scared of what you would have said!" Andy spit back.

"Speaking of that Mel, how do you think you would have reacted had Andy been upfront and honest?" She asked.

"I would like to think we could have worked through it. I would like to think we could have made a plan and worked on something. Coming to the conclusion of adoption or even him having the vasectomy reversed or anything but him not speaking up and just letting me go through it all. Not even the medical part but all the emotions too. I mean I had friends getting pregnant and having kids in the timeframe Andy and I were trying and that hurt me, that killed." I said.

Andy didn't say anything and just hung his head.

"Andy, have you considered having the vasectomy reversed?"

"Yes, I have already had it done. It was after Mel left the house after our fight about having the vasectomy. I made an appointment, and my doctor was able to get me in and scheduled right away." Andy said and I just shook my head.

"Sure, you can make that decision quickly but telling me the truth waits a year..." I rambled off.

"Are you back home Mel?"

"Yes, I went home last night after being gone a few weeks. I was staying with my parents."

"Are you trying to get back to a normal schedule?" The therapist asked.

"She is sleeping in the spare room." Andy offered up. The therapist looked at me.

"The spare room?" She questioned.

"I can't sleep in the same bedroom or even bed with him right now." I said and she sighed and wrote something down.

"You both need to work on building trust again and repairing everything between the two of you." The therapist said.

"Which is why we are here." I said.

"I hope you both know this won't be an easy fix and not something we can fix overnight..." She trailed off and we both nodded.

"Okay good." She said and we both sighed.

◼ ◼ ◼

We were leaving the therapists office, I felt drained, my emotions were put through the ringer just on day one and we had only scratched the surface of the problems.

"I need to go back to the office." I said and Andy nodded.

"Yeah, I have a meeting with Lynn when I get back." Andy said and I sighed.

"Okay, what time should I expect you home?" I asked and Andy sighed.

"Normal time. Do you want me to pick something up for dinner?" Andy asked.

"No, I'm going to hit the store on the way home. I will make something." I said and Andy nodded.

This may seem like a normal married couple talking but it was monotoned and no emotion in it at all.

We drove to my office building, and I went to get out of the car. Andy reached across the car and refused to let me open the door.

"Andy..." I groaned and turned my head to look at him. I noticed how close he was to me, and I couldn't deny how the smell of his cologne always made me weak. He just looked at me and I sighed, I wanted to looked away from him but his eyes were just so piercing and captivating.

I saw Andy slowly moving in and I slightly licked my lips. I knew what was coming and I had the power to stop it, but I wasn't sure why I wasn't. His lips connected to mine, and I closed my eyes wanting to feel something in this kiss for him again, not coming from his end but from mine. I had to feel something, he was still my husband. Andy placed a hand on my cheek, and I felt a tear escape my eye and we broke apart. Andy's hand was still on my cheek, and he took his thumb and wiped away the tear that was rolling down my cheek.

"I love you Mel, I really do." Andy whispered.

I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say. I just slightly shook my head and cast my eyes down. Andy removed his hand from my cheek. I got out of the car and rushed to my office where I could cry behind the closed door of my office.