Her life

Part 16:

"I'm here," he murmured.
"You can talk to me, or not, but I am here."
***

You couldn't stay there any longer, you can't stay here any longer. In this flat, with the two best friends who are currently arguing about you — because of you.
'I came between their friendship, that can't be happening. They can't be arguing because of  me'
Your eyes swim with tears, although you refuse to let them fall because you know if you do, you'll not be able to stop. Promptly you stand up, rush to your... no guest room, slam the door and lock it.
Desperately searching for the bag you brought with you, you throw everything of your stuff in it, ignoring Tom's knocking and shouting to 'open the damn door'.

When your bag is packed up, you sit down on the bed, waiting that the boys will go away and you can sneak out without them noticing.

An hour and a half go by and you're sure both gave up and returned to their rooms. That's the only reason you slowly open the door and peek your head out. You did the math without Tom because as soon as you open the door he's leaning against the opposite wall, hair all tousled like he's run his hands through it a million times. You want to shut the door again, to your disappointment though Tom is faster and stands in your doorway.

"Don't"

You avert your gaze to the floor, away from his piercing eyes that can bore into your soul like nothing else and read you like an open book.
It scares you how fast Tom and you could build a connection... a friendship. Even with your friends back home it wasn't that easy. It took you months to warm up to them, at first only speaking a few words here and there, then the uncomfortable small talk until lastly you trusted them with more personal things and you couldn't think of a life without them.

All this wasn't the case with Tom. Yeah, the first day it was uncomfortable small talk but that soon turned into sharing personal stories and within a few days he knew about all the things you so desperately wanted to hide from the world the most.
For fuck's sake, you slept over after only three days knowing this guy and after a week and a half you moved temporarily in with him and his best friend!!
That was all too fast, you shouldn't have trusted him so fast, now you're going to lose him because of your issues.

'That's what you get for letting people in. You should know better!'

And just like that there are the tears again. You were so proud that you hadn't cried today yet and now here they are. Floodgates open with no closing time in sight. You're so sick of this all, of crying because of the smallest stuff, of breaking down always in front of Tom and just tried of life at all.

You really are the damsel in distress and he your knight in shining armour. Tom's arms are tightly wrapped around you before the first sob can escape your lips. His own near your ear and whispering sweet nothings into it. Your head is buried into his chest, hands fisting around his shirt and holding on for dear life.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, please don't, don't be mad." These are the only words that leave your lips for the next five minutes, over and over again interrupted by sobs racking through your small body. It's pathetic, so so pathetic, because you don't want his help but you're also desperate for him to not let you down like so many other people did before. Desperate for him and his help, otherwise,  you are sure, you won't make it here in London and your journey would be over before it could even begin.

Tom has stopped whispering, now only holding you in his arms while his heart breaks for you. In the last nearly two weeks he was lucky to get to know you like no one ever has. He was lucky to discover sides of you that he wouldn't have thought were there. He was able to discover the most random ticks of yours, for example that you always have to close open doors or that whenever you are nervous you bounce your leg and press both lips tightly together and the fact that no matter what you're doing you always need something to fiddle with. The list could go on and on with not one thing he finds annoying or disturbing. One of the saddest ticks of yours, on his imaginary list, though is your need to flinch away from him or Luke when they would do wild gestures or movements you don't expect. You probably don't even know you do it, but Tom observed you, he couldn't keep his eyes of you because FUCK he is so intrigued by you, you have a kind and beautiful soul that he couldn't help himself but fall for you... and damn he fell hard.

It took a while before your tears stopped and by the time they did Tom's shirt had a wet spot in the center. Though your tears had subsided your head kept laying on his chest, not moving for another few minutes. Tom's hand is now combing through your hair which has a soothing effect on you that makes your eyes almost shut.
Slowly, very slowly you let loose of Tom, retracing back into the room fully and to the bed. The tiredness that suddenly overcomes you prevents your brain from thinking clearly, so before you are comfortable placed on the sheets the words splutter out of your mouth.

"Can you lay with me, please?"

The words are only a whisper and you are not sure if he even heard it... he did. He is next to you within seconds, laying on his side facing you and curling one arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

You lay on your side as well. Facing Tom, although you have to look up to him to see his face fully. Warmth is radiating off of him and you can't help yourself but resting your head on his chest again, one hand lightly touching just a bit over his belly.

You never thought that you would be this close to someone again, to trust someone again. But it's so easy with Tom, there is something about him, something special about his personality. But you can't think further into it, because sleep takes over your body, the exhaustion from yesterday and the morning setting in.

Tom keeps laying next to you while you sleep, watching the rise and fall of your chest.
It's possible that hours go by but Tom doesn't really know, he is too occupied with watching over you, keeping a close eye, so that he is sure nothing happens to you not even in your dreams. He is too wide awake to fall asleep himself, his mind running with thoughts to help you, with the flat, with Noah, with the job applications, with everything that troubles your mind.

At one point though the guest room door opens, Luke coming into his view. He wears a troubled expression on his face, telling Tom immediately that he regrets this morning's fight.

"Hey" Luke whispers, afraid the smallest sound will disturb you.

"Hey" Tom's voice is just as quiet, gently retracing from you, standing up and walking over to Luke.
Out the door, they both make their way to the living room to settle down on the couch and talk things out. It's a ritual for them, every time they argue, they relax on the couch with junk food and make up over a movie night, where the movie gets their attention after talking things through.

The rest of the day is spent longing in the living room, eating junk food and only standing up for the toilet or the kitchen.
You joined the two boys around 4.00pm but fell back to sleep minutes later.
Since you moved here you slept quite a lot. Not to mention today and you don't know why all of a sudden your body needed so much sleep, maybe it takes back all the sleepless nights you had before and all the nights you drew for the university application, but you do know that the short naps make you feel like you waste your time here. Sure at the beginning you could blame it on the jet lag (even though it was just an hour difference, you don't care) but now... not anymore.

***
I hope you enjoyed reading. Have a nice day!
~L
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