Clean Slate

Chapter 6

I did love Bailey.

I didn't have to pretend around her, or feel any guilt. To her I was the same as whoever I was before, and I wasn't letting anyone down.

The three days I was on home rest felt long, but snippets of memories began to come back to me. The first one was when Matthew attacked me with a nerf gun, and I remembered wrestling around with him before. My parents stayed home with me in hopes of getting me to remember them, but no luck yet.

"Are you nervous?" My mom spoke to me from the drivers seat of her car, not trusting Carter to drive me to school like he usually would've before the accident. At least that's what I was told he did. "I know Ava has been dying to see you."

"I'll be okay." I gave my mom a reassuring smile, checking my phone again. Carter had started to text me on a daily basis now that I could look at screens, but football practice kept him busy. I preferred it that way, he's the person that I somehow felt the most distant from.

My mom dropped me off at the front, and I could tell her heart ached as she gave me a hug goodbye. I was trying desperately to remember her, knowing my parents were hurting the worst.

Ava Bae 🙈: WHERE ARE YOUU
Ava Bae 🙈: GIRL MEET ME BY YOUR LOCKED
Ava Bae 🙈: Oh shit you don't know where that is
Ava Bae 🙈: Meet by front? 🙈

I laughed slightly at Ava's messages, although I was slightly terrified to meet her. My parents told me that as cheer captains, me and Ava were both decently well known.

"Oh my god!!" I heard a squeal before someone's arms were around my neck, black hair already draped across my face. "Oh my gosh i'm so sorry." Ava pulled back, now grabbing my shoulders.

thank god my parents showed me a picture.

"Do you even remember me?" Ava frowned, pushing a red strand of hair behind my ear. "Cmon i've known you for years, please, anything?"

I stared into her eyes and years worth of sleepovers stared back at me, memories of us at cheer camp, me looking down in a stunt to find Ava beneath me, my base, my support, my best friend.

I couldn't help it as I pulled her in for another hug, tears in my eyes. "You don't understand how lost i've been."

"Oh my god Olivia." I could tell by her voice, she was close to tears too. "Okay we're going to fix this, so you can get back to cheer and be yourself again."

I nodded and pulled away, Ava quickly taking my hand.

"So let's start with your locker and classes. I talked to the office this morning and they said that I could come with you to your classes and help you get around." Ava and I walked into the massive Roosevelt High School building, Ava of course waving at various people that I couldn't seem to remember. She walked both of us down the hallway until she stopped in front of a green locker. "This is yours. Also, everyone heard about what happened and you look a little bit crazy, so if people stare it's gonna be okay."

I looked down at my outfit, blue jeans and a loose green sweater. I put on mascara and concealer this morning, so I looked better than I have in days. "This is crazy?"

"You just don't look like you.." Ava examined me, currently dressed in a cropped white cardigan with black skinny jeans, torn at the knees and thighs. Her tan stomach showed through, and I immediately wondered how she wasn't cold. "I think the last time I saw you with your stomach covered was like two years ago."

So I dressed just like her?

"I'll get there." I looked at my locker and three numbers came to mind, making me grin. "I remember my locker combo."

"Really!?" Ava was beaming. "Okay good your memory is already coming back."

Ava was right about the staring, all day I felt like a zoo animal. Luckily, I didn't need Ava's assistance too much. I still remembered where my classes were, but I struggled to remember my teachers and classmates.

"So how was your first day back?" Ava asked as we walked out of the school building, towards the front parking lot where my mom was picking me up. "Are you sure you don't wanna come to cheer tonight?"

"I'm sure, doctors orders." I pulled Ava in for a quick hug before continuing towards my moms car. "I'll call you!"

"You better!" Ava called back to me, waving to my mom before I slid into the passenger seat of her car. A first since the accident.

"So I take it today was good?" My mom asked as I buckled, trying to suppress the tight feeling in my chest. The way my palms began to sweat. "Deep breaths honey." She knew me too well.

"Today was good." I put one hand on the door, holding on to it. My mom used her right hand to grab my left, squeezing it tightly for support. "Thank you."

"Of course. I still have a few more hours till I get off of work so we're heading back to the ortho office. Is that okay?"

"Of course mom." My mom looked at me with a soft expression, and I couldn't help but see myself in her. Our eyes creased the same when we smiled, our cheeks had matching dimples. Her brown hair had a red undertone.

"So we have about 20 minutes, tell me all about today. What was it like being back?"

"I don't remember what it was like before, but people stared a lot." I answered, finally releasing my moms hand and letting her drive with both. I could breathe steady again. "I remember Ava."

"Im glad, I'm sorry about saying 'back', I know it's all new for you." My mom said, her demeanor changing. I know it was hard for her to watch me remember other people and things in my life. "Did you see Carter today?"

"He checked on me during lunch." I remembered the encounter vividly, him coming up and kissing my cheek quickly, his hand trailing up my spine.

I remembered Ava grabbing my arm, telling Carter I was feeling a little sick and overwhelmed.

"What is wrong with you??" Ava frowned at me, watching Carter walk away. "I've never seen you react to Carter that way. Usually you guys are all over each other."

"I haven't remembered a single thing about him, I feel like he's a stranger." I expressed, a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

"Then you better get better at faking it because you're going to get dumped by him. When your memory comes around you'll regret it."

"He checked on you once?" Annoyance bled into my moms voice, hands gripping the steering wheel. "i'm sorry but that's ridiculous. He made you like this and he can't even fix it. I know your father is the coach and absolutely adores Carter but for the love of god-"

"It's my fault." I interrupted, unsure why I was taking the blame for Carter. I just had the urge to defend him. "I told him I needed some space, but i'll be hanging out with him more."

"Oh." My mom began to calm down, nodding. "Okay, uhm, good."

I didn't mention Ava's warning about Carter breaking up with me, or that I didn't really care for more quality time with him.

But he was my past-self's boyfriend, so didn't I owe him a chance?