Shrinking

Chapter Sixteen

Connor’s POV

I had been lying in my bed with my head phones in, thinking about my parents, when I heard the door knock in the background of my music. I thought it would be John, deciding to sleep here tonight instead of in his friend’s dorm. In the back of my mind I hoped for Peyton, the thought struggled it’s way forward.

And then it was her, and she was standing in my doorway with her hair dripping onto the floor. She wore a long-sleeved black shirt that was far too big for her, and it clung to her skin from the rain.  Her blonde hair was black from the wetness, messily thrown onto her bare shoulder. What was she doing here?

I was somewhat mad, to be honest. She doesn’t speak to me for over a week and a half and then randomly shows up at my door?

I took one look at her eyes, however, and I knew. Jamie. They were round and glassy from tears, red around the outside. The blue in them that I had once loved was sad, achingly sad, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen eyes so hopeless.

Before I talked myself out it, I put my hand onto her back and pulled her into me, enclosing her in my arms. She rested her wet head onto my shoulder and I began to feel her tremble, shaking from the cold. I ran my hand up and down her back trying to warm her as I guided her inside the room.

I held her for a few minutes more and she slowly began to stop crying. I pulled Peyton’s shoulders from me and placed my hands on both sides of her face, forcing her to look at me. My thumb ran back and forth over her jawline and her lower lip trembled, eyes facing the floor.

“Peyton,” I whispered to her, not knowing what else to say.

She looked up at me and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” she said.

I took her hand in mine and guided her towards my bed. She was still shaking from the cold of the rain. I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around her and she attempted a small smile. “Don’t be sorry,” I told her.

“I was so mean to you on the phone...” she hiccupped. I watched as ran her thumbs under her eyes, wiping away the smeared makeup and tears.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay. I don’t, I don’t know why I did that. I guess I didn’t want you to have to deal with it.”

“Deal with what?”

“Me.”

My lip twitched, trying not to smile. “You’re not so bad.”

She shook her head. “Connor, I’m serious. You don’t deserve this, you’re too...you’re too nice. You deserve someone who isn’t so fucked up. You deserve a nice, pretty girl to show off to your friends.”

“Are you saying you aren’t nice?”

“No – I’m not, I’m not saying I’m not nice, I’m just saying that my life has turned to shit and, and I don’t want to drag you down with me.” A tear fell from Peyton’s eye and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. I watched her as she took deep breaths, her chest rising and falling heavily.

“Hey, listen to me.” She stared at her lap. “Peyton, listen.” I put my finger under her chin and tipped her head upwards. “Jamie is going to be okay. He’s going to be great, even. I promise.”

“How do you know that?” She recoiled, almost spitefully, tears now falling rapidly.

“I just do,” I told her. “Okay?”

“Okay,” she said after a while, her voice breaking. “Okay...” she whispered again, almost inaudibly.

I pulled her to me and kissed her temple, wondering how I got to be in this situation. Nevertheless, I scooted back on the bed and brought her with me and we lay down, her head resting on my chest. Her breathing started to even out and she fell asleep.