Going The Distance

Chapter Sixteen - Sweet Child O' Mine

"Alice is home tomorrow, would you like to come by then?" She offered.

"That soon?" I whispered, shocked that she wanted to just welcome me in with open arms when I had just disappeared off the face of the planet.

"Geoff and I talked about this Amber, and we both decided that when you were ready then we wouldn't stop you from seeing her. We know you love her."Tears rolled down my cheeks. Love didn't even cover it.

"Okay. Tomorrow."

"Will your parents be coming?" She murmured softly. I noted she was careful not to confirm that they were already in contact, I knew it was to protect me, I understood the secrecy. I'd be a hypocrite not to.

"I want to do this on my own. I know they see Alice, and I know they want me to as well." I whispered. "I just feel like this is something I need to do without them."

"I understand Amber." She murmured. "Will you be alone?"

I closed my eyes, I wanted Jackson there. I wasn't sure how they would react to me having a boyfriend. Maybe she would think I was some stupid little girl.

My boyfriend, Jackson will be with me." I said softly. "We've been friends all our lives. He's my rock."

"I'm sure he's lovely Amber. You have our address, and our number. We'll be home all day, so just drop by when you are ready okay?"

"Okay." I whispered. "Thank you Mrs. Kennedy."

"Tracy dear."

"Tracy." I said with a smile. "Thank you."

"No... Thank you."We ended the call and I placed my phone down. Suddenly it was all real.

Tomorrow I would see the little girl I had only held once in my arms, but it seemed like a whole lifetime in my heart. I picked up the photo of her as a newborn and fresh tears filled my eyes. I had never regretted my decision, but sometimes I still hated that it had been one I had to make.I never imagined having my first child at 15. Girls that age are supposed to have sleepovers and paint each other's nails. Not take prenatal vitamins and Lamaze classes. I hadn't had a normal start to life, and it wasn't that it was bad, it was just not normal.

Maybe that was why my perception of people was skewed, maybe that was why my perception of Dylan was skewed? If Jackson had been my first, then it would have been different. He would have been there, he would have stuck by me.Not that it mattered. It hadn't worked out that way.

"You okay?" Jackson's voice called from the doorway.

"We're going to meet her tomorrow." I choked, I couldn't look up."That's a good thing right? That's what you want?"

I nodded and fiddled my fingers. Jackson's footsteps walked across the floor.

"What's wrong?" He murmured as he sat down beside me.

"I didn't regret my decision Jackson. I still don't. I wasn't ready and I needed a clean break. What if I see her and I can't handle it. What if I regret giving her up? I don't want to spend the rest of my life wanting a child who doesn't want me."

Jackson entwined his fingers through mine, he lifted my hand and his to his mouth and kissed them. "You have to have the faith that what you have felt so strong about for so long will stay the same. Nothing needs to change aside from the fact you get to know Alice."

I sighed, and leaned my head on Jacksons shoulder. "What if I never have another child?"

Jackson's spare hand tilted my head upward while he looked downward at me. "You will." He replied, his eyes were locked with mine, and I knew he believed his words without a sparkle of doubt.