Going The Distance

Chapter Nineteen - Yours

The more time that goes on, the easier keeping a secret becomes. One week turned into two, two in to four, and before I knew it two months had passed. The seemed to be a point where telling him stopped being an option. The line between acceptable and unacceptable blurred until I couldn't tell the difference, and I hated myself for it.

Finally all the pain I'd held within me was out. My parents knew what I'd been through and I had faced my fears. I'd met Alice. Except I'd replaced it with a secret I couldn't tell. The fear of losing Jackson was too strong. It was selfish, but I'd stopped listening to the niggling voice in my head telling me to do the right thing. Damn the consequences.

"Deep in thought there." Daniel's voice woke me from my daydream, he placed his tray down on the lunch table beside me and slid into the seat.

"Where's Jackson?" He asked. "You two are usually huddled up in here together."

I frowned, DJ had asked Jackson to go to the studio to clean up a few of their tracks. I knew Daniel didn't know about the music so I just shrugged. "He had something to do."

"Well I can't leave you too sit and think alone." He replied.

I pointed over at the rest of our friends. "I'm hardly alone Dan."

"You know what I mean. They're all talking about who hooked up with who at last week's party."

"And you don't care?"

"You know I don't. I've been sober and sexless for two months solid." He retorted.

"Self-imposed guilt ridden sobriety." I mused.

"That's not completely true." I replied. "Truth is, I really was over going through girls the way I go through boxer shorts."

"Ew."

"She texted me." He whispered. "Hana."

I tensed and turned to look at Daniel. I knew my face accurately portrayed my emotions because Daniel looked worried. He grabbed my arm and shook his head. "I didn't reply." He said under his breath.

"You can't date her."

"I know." He mumbled. "I'm not a moron."

My eyes drilled holes in to his, whether or not Daniel was a moron could be left up for debate. It was his fault any of this had even happened. It was true though, he'd stayed true to his sudden change, whether or not it had been a delayed guilt induced reaction. In fact, he'd been an amazing friend, not only to Jackson, but to me too. Aside from the secret, it was like we were all 13 again, except this time I wasn't crushing on the boy who was wrong for me. I was in love with the boy who was all kinds of right.

"Look, let's forget about it. What are you doing tonight? Jackson and I were going to stay in and watch movies. You could come over?"

Daniel relaxed and picked up his sandwich. He looked over at the table where all the tutors sat and shook his head. "I can't, I've got an appointment with a math tutor. I've still got to bring my grades up if I want to get in to college on anything other than a football scholarship."

"I bet your Mom is proud that you're finally taking school seriously." I replied.

"She is. She was worried for a while, she asked me who made me see sense, and she wasn't surprised when I said it was you." His eyes twinkled under the cafeteria lights. "You're a great person Amber, and perfect for Jacks."

I nodded, and Daniels words filled my veins with a happiness I felt every time I looked into Jacksons eyes. We could get through anything, we were invincible.