Blinded // Discontinued

Keep Holding On

This isn't an update - you can just not read this.

Well hi there, it's me. I'm SheeransGirlfriend.

So, this is where I make up some lame excuse as to why this isn't an update, but there isn't an excuse because there's a life problem in the way.

I'm not looking for a pity story, I actually hate that. I'm doing this because maybe I can inspire you to talk to someone when the going gets tough and you just want to give up.

Well, I'm a 14 year old girl from New York. I live with my sister and her husband, and my mom.

My dad is out of the picture, so let's just not talk about that.

Well, its been nearly 8 years since the divorce and my mom has become very bitter towards the world.

Ever since I started high school, she started becoming more distasteful, to me in particular.

For instance, she'd pick a fight if I left my jacket unfolded, if I came home a few minutes late, if I was on the computer for a while, etc.. But must recently, everything I've done gets her agitated.

Now, I'm fully aware there's people from my school who read my story, but if that's the case and you're going to expose me? Go ahead because it's pretty easy to transfer schools.

It's not like I don't try with her, I try my hardest and I give my all to make her stop with her antics, but nothing helps. If I do a tiny thing wrong, it overrides every good thing I've done.

I'm so over it by now.

It's gotten to the point where I feel like throwing something at her, or flipping at her, but I don't. Sometimes I talk back, but most times I try to shut her out. That angers her more, when I ignore her.

I've literally contemplated killing myself as to how bad it gets, but I don't.

I'm one of those people who you'll never see sad, no matter what is going on with me. I smile and laugh and hold in everything. I'm just vibrant.

But when my mom, of all people, treats me like I'm worthless, I start believing it.

I literally cried for three houses last night, from 7-10 pm because of what she did.

She doesn't physically abuse me, but it's verbal, and words cut through you like knives.

Like I said, I don't show pain, but when she says these things to me, I just want to make it all go away. I wanted to end my life at one point.

But here's where staying strong comes in.

I look around at the bonds and ties I've made, the people around me, friends, family, YOU ALL, you make me so happy, I forget all about her. I smile everytime someone compliments my story or whatever, and I'm truly thankful for all of you. You aren't fans, your my family <3

I just hope you all stay strong too.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Stay strong, keep holding on, don't give up.

I love you all, and I hope to have an update soon, but seeing as my situation, I might not

Love you all. -SheeransGirlfriend

Edited: September 6th, 2013

Addition +

Okay so I posted this a while ago, but I should update it because I'm really bad. Oh yeah, and I'm 15 now lol.

So after all those inspirational things I said, I cracked.

And I realize how freaking stupid I am. I'm an idiot trust me, I know that now.

But after doing that I realized somethings.

When the going gets tough, don't break under the pressure and stoop down to a level you shouldn't be at. Rise up to the occasion and face it head on. Show it whose boss and that you can overcome whatever problem came to be.

Honestly, I am so pumped writing this. I feel like I can actually get through to someone because we all have our issues.

I mean, we can all stick together and fight whatever demon is lingering inside of us.

Now whenever I feel like I can't cope? I take a marker and draw on my body. It becomes my canvas. Like instead of cutting, draw three butterflies on your wrist, thigh, or wherever instead of doing something irrational.

So what I'm trying to say is that life will never be a bag of roses.

Literally, never.

but we can stick it through because we will come out stronger and wiser in the end.

And maybe your life could become a pretty epic wattpad story!

I love you all so much because you're truly there. You all message me asking if I'm okay and it's truly lovely. I love it because someone cares. Usually we need one person that can care to realize that we are worth it.

I know I'm worth it because you all are worth it.

We are worth it.

-SheeransGirlfriend

EDITED APRIL 21, 2018
Addition +

Hello, beautiful people of Wattpad. It has been quite a while since I have even batted an eye at Blinded, the fanfiction story that started my life in this wonderful community. I'm sad to see that I've left it unfinished, and I'm seriously contemplating gutting this from chapter one forward so that I can say, "It is finished." But who knows if I will ever do that.

I wanted to give you an update on life and lend a helping hand to my fellow wattpadians in need. I am no longer SheeransGirlfriend, but I am now ssafehavens. I feel like it is a representation of my new life. I am here to be a safe haven to those I am lucky enough to talk to and touch.

I am now twenty years old and, wow, looking back at this post makes my heart hurt. My poor mother, I love her so dearly. It hurts to see that something so trivial made me so angry with her that I'd hurt myself. Being a little older now has opened my eyes to see that when we are younger things seem like the end of the world. Someone scolding you could be the make or break factor of hurting yourself. That is so wrong.

Yes, my mother did have an issue of being unnecessarily upset, but I could have been better as well. I was a resentful, rebellious teenager who was bitter and didn't care for her rules. Looking back, she was parenting. She's created me, this wildly different, creative human that is me. Personally, I think she did a wonderful job.

Yes, I have some scars from back when I allowed my sadness to overtake me. Honestly, I barely give a glance to those scars. When I see them I don't even feel pain. I just see a scar.

I no longer live with my mother, actually I live in a different state from her, but not by choice. When I was sixteen I met a boy in the military who instantly had me head over heels. Fast forward four years, now we are married and live together and are planning on starting a family. I am a stay at home wife who has a small boutique and I am thoroughly enjoying life with a wonderful man by my side.

My relationship with my mom has never been stronger than it is now. I absolutely adore her and admire how strong she has been since the divorce with my father. She isn't perfect, but neither am I. I want to cherish every moment I have with her, every phone call and visit, because we never know what and when things can happen. I want to remember wonderful memories through the bad ones.

Be a pillar in a wavering world, friends.

Thank you for joining me on this chapter in my life. It has been wonderful.

-ssafehavens