How to be with you - Minsung

Chapter 25

Jisung arrived back home during the night, tears still freshly falling on his cheeks. The look Chan and Changbin gave him was awful, and he couldn't bear with it.

"So... It's over ?" Changbin asked

But Jisung had no answers better than a cracking in a sob, before running to his room and spending the entire week there.

"Jisung, you should be slower while eating" Changbin had nagged him while he held his hair, the younger harshly vomitting every time he ate.

"I'm calling a doctor, alright?" Chan had offered.

"You did good Jisung, but I'm sorry to say that nothing is wrong... physically at least. All the vomitting and fainting spells must be related to your anxiety. I think you should contact a therapist as soon as possible" The doctor had said, but Jisung didn't listen.

And it went better for some time, he started being able to stand up at some point, until he spent another week vomitting and fainting after he woke up to Minho's texts.

'i hate you' he had said, and Jisung hated himself too.

Waking up from the same nightmare over and over again was hard to take, that was why he had limited his hour of sleep since last year.

He sat up on his bed, before standing up and walking to the bathroom mindlessly.

Well, not so mindlessly.

While brushing his teeth, his mind slipped back to his thoughts, in complete paralysis.

"Maybe you should answer him..." Chan had said

"NO, STOP" Jisung yelled back, more tears streaming down "I knew it! I knew it was stupid dating someone, and look where the fuck I am! He's fucking suffering from a relationship with ME, how can I run back to him and soothe him when I AM the one that ruined him, huh?!"

"Ji... He'll feel helped"

"But he doesn't need me, or that. He needs to stop loving me so he'll be happy for the rest of his life... He needs to get away from my face forever so I won't ruin more his life!" Jisung continued yelling "I should have warned him better... I should have told me more clearly that he'll suffer from us..."

"Jisung, no... He knew, don't feel guilty" Chan tried to calm him down, but Jisung only sobbed harder.

Putting his shoes on and hopping on his taxi, he let his head fall on the window of the car, looking outside to distract his mind.

But he was never distracted, and his stomach churned more.

"He's purposefully avoiding me" Jisung stated, shaking his head at the sound coming from the practice room "I should not get in"

"Ji, it's the occasion you have to talk to him... I promise that the only want he has..." Hyunjin tried to assure.

"So what ? I'll say that I love him, then get back to my own life and make him wait more for me ? That is selfish, Hyunjin" Jisung nagged

"Let's eat together tonight, just us three" Hyunjin tried.

"No, I can't do that to him" Jisung insisted

"But... he'll..." 

"I don't care if he hates me or whatever, he needs to" Jisung firmly responded, before leaving Hyunjin alone in the corridors.