How to be with you - Minsung

Chapter 33

"Ji...?" Chan asked, softly caressing his hair.

Jisung only pulled the covers over his head.

"Hey... don't hide" Chan jokingly nagged, tearing the covers of his face.

At this moment, Jisung nuzzled his face on the pillow.

"Come eat" He softly offered.

"Not hungry" Jisung let out, voice muffled

"How are you doing ?" He gently asked, scratching at his nape.

Truthfully, he felt sad, dejected, uneasy. His stomach was churning and his heart was burning. His throat was constantly tightened and his eyes were stinging.

"I'm good" He responded, before a cry escaped his mouth, once again.

"Oh, sung" Chan let out, heart breaking for him. He passed his hand on his back, softly accompanying him through his cries, until he didn't have more to cry, and only sniffles could be heard.

"I was stupid" Jisung stated

"No... It's not stupid to be in love" He pouted

"It was too soon... I should have known it..." He sniffled

"You were filled with hope... It's okay" Chan tried to reassure

"It's not okay" He said, angry at himself "If I waited... If I put myself more aside, maybe he would have ended up accepting me later... Now I just feel like I've ruined it forever" He continued, voice breaking as he spoke.

"You couldn't have known..." He said, trying to comfort him "Maybe it's not ruined"

"He said that he didn't know how to be with me..." Jisung repeated, heart breaking more as he thought about it.

"Then... that doesn't really mean he'll never know how..." Chan tried

"Maybe I should stop..." Jisung sighed

"Stop what ?"

"Being an idol" He whispered

"Jisung, are you crazy ?" Chan frowned

"No..." He sniffed "If it's the only way..."

"Why would you do that ?"

"He conceded a lot to me... Maybe I should just do the same..." 

"Jisung, no" Chan said softly "Love is not about that. Love is not about privating ourselves to have others. Love is not about crushing your dreams to be accepted by others. I understand why he's scared, and I understand why you're suffering. But tell me Ji, would you be happy without music ?" He asked, noticing the slight frown on his face.

"I could still... produce or something" Jisung whispered

"Would you be happy without performing ?" Chan insisted

"... For Minho ? Yes... Maybe" 

"For the rest of your life ?" He continued, and noticed how his lips quivered

"N-No..." He admitted, trying to hold back a sob.

"Exactly." He said softly "You are not going to change your dreams because of someone you love. Don't risk regretting it. Don't risk blaming him for your decisions."

"But... what about him ?" He asked, tears forming in his eyes.

"Time heals everything, Ji" He smiled sadly at him "It may heal his fear... Or it'll heal your heart. But any way, you'll be fine Ji"

"Okay..." He said, closing his eyes "I'll be fine" He repeated to himself, as if to convince himself.