Moving to the rough streets of Harlem is a step back for Lorena after running from her supposedly good life in the suburbs of Miami.
She searches for freedom in the most unlikely of places yet in meeting Cross, she couldn't find herself more trapped...
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𝘅𝘅𝘅𝗶𝘃. 𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘇
I was soaking in the tub while smoking one of Cross' blunts. I loved the way it dulled my senses. It was easier to tune out Skylar's babbling as she laid in the bedroom and the door was wide-open so that I could keep my eye on her.
"Lorena?" Delilah's soft voice called out from the bedroom.
She appeared in my line of vision and I watched through the doorway as she bent over, cooing while rubbing noses with my baby. Bella was on her hip. She laid Bella next to Sky before looking over her shoulder. Only then did she notice me in the tub.
"Rena, what the fuck. This place smells of weed real bad. Fuck is you doing smoking when Sky is right there in the room?" She said standing over me.
I sighed, rolling my eyes. "What are you doing here, D?" I mumbled. I hadn't been expecting her company today.
"You been dodging my calls, you thought I wasn't gon' come check on you? Look at you, Lorena, oh my god. Cross said you ain't been doing well. Did you go see your doctor?"
I narrowed my eyes and turned over in the water so that I could rest my back against the tub. I took another long drag from my blunt and closed my eyes to hide their dullness. There were dark circles underneath.
"Hello? Did you see your doctor or not?"
"Yes," I replied curtly, irritated.
"And what he say?"
"He referred me to a psychologist who said I have postpartum depression. He's already thinking about putting me on antidepressants."
"Jesus," Delilah winced. "I didn't know it was this bad, Lo. Baby blues are normal, but PPD is like the worst thing that can happen after birthing a child. I don't know what I would do if that was me and Bella."
I bit my lip and sunk a little further in the water. I felt an urge to sink all the way down. And stay there.
"I try, D. I've tried everything but I can't bond with that baby. She hates me. I-I hate her too."
"Don't say that, Rena. Don't say things you don't mean. That's your baby and you love her. You'll get through this. You need to remember that it's not your fault, it's a chemical thing... you know?"
But even D didn't really know what she was talking about.
It was my fault. I did blame myself. What kind of mother couldn't get herself together for the sake of her child? I wasn't cut out for this shit. Being with the wrong person made it so much worse, too. It was like I had no real support with Cross.
