Juniper Blue (NaNoWriMo2023; manxman)

Chapter 22

Juniper

Just when you think you know someone you realize you don't. While I had a tendency to rattle off my thoughts wherever and whenever, Gabriel was the opposite unless he was drunk. Alcohol was like a truth serum to him, but he rarely ever drank to intoxication, not since that night I found him in the bathroom. I'm embarrassed to admit I considered getting him drunk just so he'd tell me what was bugging him.

For the past month, he'd grown more and more distant, and I kept thinking I did something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. And then he completely cut me off when he returned from Brooklyn. I wished I hadn't picked him up at the airport. The silence on the way home was almost too much for me to bear. I didn't even feel comfortable opening my mouth, but I couldn't help myself. Sullenly, Gabriel stared out the window, his thoughts obviously somewhere else. Whenever I asked him a question, he shrugged or grunted. He wouldn't even elaborate on the status of his mother's health. He just said, "She's fine."

I doubted she was 'fine.' From what I could see, nothing was fine. I couldn't take it anymore and once we were home, I demanded he tell me the truth. I never realized the truth would never come... Instead, he spewed a bunch of bullshit I almost believed at the time. 

Seconds after we got home, I tossed my car keys on the table and stood at the door with my arms folded across my chest. Quietly, Gabriel headed to the stairs. "Wait, Gabriel, I want you to tell me what's wrong, and I want you to tell me right now," I said.

Gabriel paused at the foot of the stairs, hesitating before he responded. "Do you really want to do this right now?"

"Yeah... yeah, I do."

"Fine. I'll tell you. I'm moving back to Brooklyn."

There. He finally said what was bothering him. At least that's what I initially thought. I never realized it was something much more. "I knew your mother wasn't doing well," I said. "Why didn't you just tell me?" 

He shrugged.

I always wondered if he'd ever consider moving back to Brooklyn, especially with his failing mother and aging father. He claimed he loved Maine, but I suspected his heart belonged in New York. I used to think my heart belonged in Maine, but my heart really belonged wherever Gabriel was. Wherever he was, I wanted to be, whether it was in Maine or New York. Maybe he'd been so distant because he didn't want to tell me he wanted to return to Brooklyn, afraid I'd never go with him.

"Okay," I said. "We'll move to Brooklyn. It'll be interesting teaching kids in a city. I hope I can get a job. Do you think I'll be able to get one? I just have to transfer my teaching license and--"

"I don't want you to come with me, Juni. This relationship isn't working for me."

That was something I wasn't expecting to hear. He'd been distant, but he never let me believe the relationship wasn't 'working.' I assumed it had something to do with his mother and him not wanting to tell me he wanted to go back to Brooklyn. His eyes teared as they wandered away from mine. 

"What's not working for you?" I said. "Tell me what's really wrong."

"I don't want to be with you, okay? I'm gonna pack up my things and get outta here."

Without looking at me, he headed up the stairs. "What? Am I not toxic enough for you?" I shouted, running up the stairs after him. "I'm so confused, Gabriel. What's not working? Do you want me to steal your prescription pad? Treat you like shit? Is that what you want? Do you like treating me like shit? Because that's what you're doing." 

Gabriel sniffed, placing his clothes in a suitcase. 

I clutched his wrist, forcing him to look at me. "If you wanted to really break up with me, you wouldn't be crying right now. You wouldn't be moving in slow motion. I wanna help you. Tell me how I can help you. Just talk to me."