Juniper Blue (NaNoWriMo2023; manxman)

Chapter 4

Things started to make sense. I didn't lose my virginity until last summer. Succumbing to peer pressure, I put myself out there on different dating apps. Internet service was sporadic at my place and on the farm so I typically explored the world of online-dating-hell during breaks at work, in the library, or cafes in the nearest town. I had no interest in dating anyone in high school. I also had no time to date. I barely had any free time in college, either, and then the COVID shutdown happened when no one was going out with anyone. I'd never succumbed to peer pressure before. And, as soon as I got my Masters degree, my family started putting pressure on me.

"A good looking boy like you shouldn't be single," Memere Rose would tell me. She practically said that to me every time she saw me, and I saw her a lot. Dad was eager for me to get married and have kids to carry on the 'family name.' No one ever asked me what I wanted. I saw kids every day. I wasn't sure if I wanted my own.

I was embarrassed to be a virgin at twenty-four years old. Violet had already had two kids by my age. I was also embarrassed to admit I lost my virginity to a forty-five year old woman, figuring she wouldn't want anything else from me but sex, and I was right. Afterwards, I'd never felt so empty. The woman was beautiful and nice, but she wasn't someone I wanted to see again. She didn't want to see me again, either. We both used each other. I guess that wasn't too unusual. Tinder was all about hookups, or so I'd been told.

Earlier this summer, I had a fling with fellow river guide, Emily Murray, but we decided it was better to be friends. I always made a better friend than lover, although she claimed I was gifted at pleasuring her. Gabriel was much better than she was, that's for sure.

I'd never been with anyone since. I'd learned to swipe left or right on those apps, but I could never bring myself to go out with anyone, or was it because women grew impatient with me because I couldn't respond as quickly as they wanted me to. It wasn't worth the aggravation.

Maybe I would have thought differently if I'd swiped right for someone like Gabriel Benowitz.

"You're an interesting guy," Gabriel said. "I bet you're a fun teacher."

I shrugged, cringing at the thought that I was a teacher, supposedly a role model for kids. I couldn't possibly be a role model after what I just did with Gabriel. It was bad enough I had a quick hookup with a married, older woman. Yes, she was married, something I forgot to mention. I didn't deserve to be called a teacher.

But I thought about going farther with Gabriel. I wanted him inside me, eager to find out what it was like, or maybe he'd let me inside him. That intrigued me, too. To prevent him from getting up, I sat on his lap, hooking my long legs behind his back. He didn't put up much of a fight, though, responding to my kisses.

"I can't fuck you," he said, sensing my desire and desperation as I clung to him.

"Why?"

"I already told you. I've made enough mistakes last night and today. You have no condoms or lube. You don't want your first time to be so traumatic you'll never want to have sex again. When it's done right... well, it can be amazing and you deserve amazing--not painful--awkward, and unsafe sex. You're amazing, Juniper, and you deserve amazing."

"How do you know I'm amazing? Maybe I really am a serial killer. Maybe I have dead bodies buried in the crawl space under the cabin."

Gabriel laughed, combing his fingers through my messy hair. "There's no way. You need to let me go. We've been playing for two hours."

"How do you know it's been two hours?"

"You have a clock on your wall."

I glanced over my shoulder, realizing he was right. I couldn't believe it was almost noon time.