Cannon fodder is too lazy to act

24

Kai walked out of the Cathedral, his expression as flat as ever but there was something different. Under those calm and dark eyes, was a storm brewing.

His hands under his sleeve were tightly clenched and his jaw was tense. There was a rising anger in his heart, so hot and poisonous, that he feared what the results of his anger might arise.

Esmond, Sigrun...and the worst of them all, Alcestic. When they say someone is a villain...they truly are from their flesh to their bone and the deepest part of their soul. An unforgivable act of repentance that shook the core foundation of the heavens.

A despicable person such as he, should never have been given his mercy and kindness.

"Alcestic..." The name he spoke under his breath felt like a knife, driving deep into his bones. The past, the future, and the present. In all his 4 lifetimes, including this one, there has never been a man more unforgivable.

"I was your master...I taught you everything you knew, the foundation of your magic stemmed from my own life." As if tasting poison he spat out the words, "Death is a gift given to everyone...but you took that away from me."

In his first life, Izel was a stranger. This world he came to was like a miracle and he wanted it all. After the sudden death of his family, one after another, he escaped to the countryside where he thought he could rest and explore the world quietly. Coping with his grief through magic and experimentation, but along the way he met an unexpected 'friend'.

At that time, Izel felt hopeful he could change the 'future', or at least his. He studied so much magic, read so many books and articles revolving around the fundamentals and imaginary. But he wasn't skilled enough to put any of his theories to the test. But then, came along Alcestic. Beaten, battered and bruised; he couldn't have been no more than a few years older than himself.

Izel helped him.

Just like the butterfly effect, the future that he had worked so hard to save...was completely shattered. Not once, not twice, but three times.

Izel was never able to put his theories into practice because of his lack of power, but he soon discovered that Alcestic could. While he was recuperating during his stay, Alcestic happily offered to test out his theories.

3 years passed like this. Izel thought he was living his life, for a moment, the future he wanted was right in his palm. But misfortune soon befell him.

After 3 years, Alcestic suddenly left. Taking away his first night along with all his research and notes on magic. A thief, an utterly disgusting and unforgivable thief. This was what Izel thought when he woke up on their bed alone.

The warmth and memories of last night, and then the cold and desolation of the morning; he believed there couldn't be any worse of a betrayal. 

Izel wanted to go and search for him, to ask him why. Why did he do this? What did he gain out of this?

He spent 2 years searching for Alcestis, but one day when in an unknown town he came across a piece of news. Written in bold letters on the very front page, was the very research he dedicated years of his life for and credited to a name that was neither his nor Alcestic.

For a moment, a very terrifying thought crossed his mind. Did Alcestic sell his research? For mere money and fame? Maybe it was just a coincidence, after all, there were plenty of people in the world who were interested in magic. Yes, maybe it was a coincidence. But the more he read, the dimmer his hope became. Until it was extinguished.

Izel was at a loss. For him, his research was like his child, a creation he worked hard to make and come to life. At that moment, he felt this discovery was worse than the morning he woke up alone in that bed 2 years ago.

After another year, Izel finally met him again. But he wished he hadn't. Completely unrecognizable from the young man 5 years ago, Alcestic stood above him with horns and eyes of black. There was an air of black gas around him and patterns etched onto his skin, from his arms to his face.

Izel wanted to ask, but the look in his eyes made him freeze in place, unable to utter a single word.

There was no place for him. No, perhaps there had never been a place for him.

Izel wondered, if he was never caught up in that emotional entanglement, if he never cared that he just left if he never cared that his research was stolen and sold, would he have lived just a bit better?

Izel had no more memories after that because that was the end of his first life. He had died. As for his next 2 lives...it could be said they all ended the same way.

The 2nd time he opened his eyes, he strove to live by the plot but he was still emotionally entangled somehow. He met Alcestic again, but was incidentally sold off as the other's bride by Sigrun, who continuously held him captive as a 'prisoner of war'. A war he was forced to fight after Esmond disregarded him to chase after the 'heroine'.

Did he follow the plot? Izel wondered when he was forced to lay under Alcestic once again. The heroine got her target, the prince, and he successfully played the role of a licking dog. There couldn't be anything more, right? But why, why is he still here? Why has he become the demon's wife?

All he wanted was to go home.

After the wedding night, no more memories came. 

Kai opened his eyes once again in his third life. His memories were hazy and his consciousness was fuzzy. He couldn't recall his purpose anymore, just major details that he was unable to forget. Such as this world was 'fictional', he was 'cannon fodder', and he must play his 'role'. But there was a strong sense of resistance every time he acted; like this was wrong. It would get him nowhere.

Amid the confusion, Kai went insane. He set his mansion a blaze and sat in the very middle of his home. His father and brother were gone, killed in battle, and unable to cope with the grief, his mother committed suicide. Kai was alone in this life, and he too, was unable to keep his mentality up for long before it collapsed. 

Surrounded by red and fire, the smell of smoke invaded his lungs and slowly poisoned him, the heat from the flames quickly did its job and burned him little by little. It was the most painful way for him to die, but it helped to distract him from his losses.

He was tired. So tired...all he wanted, was to go home. But if there was no longer a home, then he would gladly accept death as his new home.

Izel took his first step back into Mneme after a week, the beating of his heart pounding in his ears and the drumming of his pulse under his throat. He knew he wasn't strong enough to kill him...but, surely, a god can.

...Right?

Author's corner:

Woohoo! Update! Finally!

Are you guys satisfied? Happy? Sad? Unsatisfied? Comment down below and share your thoughts! I'd love to hear them.

Happy new Year anyways! I had a rough start personally, but I hope y'all is going better than mine.