Ineffable Family

Chapter 3

PLAYLIST:

Treasure by Flyleaf

TW: anxiety, snakeyness

The front door bell tinkled cheerily, and Aziraphale groaned. "We are most definitely clo--"

He broke off when he saw two of the fam from Fruity's walk in. "Never mind, thought you were someone else. What can I do for you?"

"This is Lance," Katie introduced her friend. "He's looking for something and I told him you were the one to talk to."

Aziraphale gave a beaming smile. "I'll do my best. What are you looking for?"

"A vintage fashion book," Lance answered. "I want to do an old-school costume for one of my shows."

"I have just the thing,"Aziraphale replied. He didn't mind parting with something in this case. Pattern books weren't among his favorites, and he knew they would be put to good, loving use. "It's in the back, I'll fetch it for you."

"How's Crowley?" Katie called after him. "Are they feeling any better?"

"She's been tired," Aziraphale said over his shoulder. He ducked into the back room, where he thought Crowley was napping on the couch; she was catching up on her sleep now that the nausea had abated somewhat. But she was nowhere to be found. Perhaps she decided to go to bed.

Then someone screamed. Aziraphale pelted out into store, terrified that something had happened to Crowley. Instead, he saw Katie standing on a chair while Lance perched on the desk like they were playing The Floor Is Lava.

"There's a fucking snake on the shelf!" Katie yelped. "I moved a book and there was a bloody great snake just lying there!"

Crowley glared down at the trio, annoyed at having her nap interrupted.

That answered that question. Aziraphale gave his serpent spouse a pointed look: Play along. "That's just my pet boa," he told the humans. "I let her loose earlier."

Katie slipped off the chair. "I didn't know you had a pet."

"Yes, she...doesn't get out much. You can get down, she's totally harmless," Aziraphale promised,eliciting a glare from the snake, who did not consider herself harmless.

Lance climbed off the desk, eyeing the snake like he expected it to fly across the room and eat him.

Aziraphale stood on a stool to reach Crowley's high-rise retreat. "How did you get up there, my dear?" he asked in a tone he'd heard people use on pet dogs. "Is it nice and warm in the sun?"

"What's its name?" Katie asked.

"Her name is Juliet,"Aziraphale told her, just to be nasty. Crowley hated the play. "Are you ready to come down, dearest?"

"Juliet" was not ready, and she showed it by flashing her fangs.

"I think she wants to stay up there," Lance said nervously.

"Well, if she wants dinner, she'll come down," Aziraphale threatened. He knew that would do the tric; Crowley's appetite was ravenous lately.

It worked. Crowley spilled into his waiting hands, and Aziraphale lifted the unusually fat snake off the shelf. She slithered onto his shoulders and snuggled into his warmth, as she always did. "Let me get those pattern books for you."

In the back room, he set Crowley on the couch and whisper-scolded her. "You said you weren't going to shift again! Don't show your fangs at me, I don't care how warm it was up on that shelf! What would have happened if you fell? No, no, you just sit here and think about it, and don't shift til I get back. Stubborn, dramatic, wily, old....serpent!"