I Don't Deserve This (Unedited)

Chapter 1 ~ Hell on Earth

Trigger warnings because I'm not sure if anyone read the first chapter that contained these warnings.
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Child Ab*se
Physical harm
Domestic abuse*se
Sewerslide

Everyone said that being a kid was easier than being an adult.

How is this easier?

I stare into the mirror while hatred fills my very being, my body is wrong. That isn't me. Whoever is staring back at me, it's someone else. It can't be me. It just can't be.

"I'm sorry Jace"

I nod to myself as the disembodied voice speaks in my head.

"I'm going insane." I state before turning away from the mirror flinching one last time as the reflection follows my movements.

It's not me.

So why is that person so good at pretending to be me?

"ALISON MARY CAMP GET YOUR ASS INTO THIS KITCHEN NOW!!!" My mother yells. I sigh quietly before responding.

"Coming!" I call back as respectfully as possible before pulling my hood up over my head to hide the long hair that's been put in a loose ponytail at the base of my neck.

I walk into the kitchen with my hands stuffed into my pockets, staring at the floor.

"Yes mom?"

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" She screams. "I TOLD YOU TO GET THE DISHES DONE LAST NIGHT YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT!" She continues to scream at me over the spoon that had been left in the sink, about how I ate their food without putting any in the house, as if I could. They wouldn't let me get a job so I could move out. They wouldn't let me leave.

Less than a month now and I'd be able to run as far and fast away from home as my legs could carry me.

She carried on for a solid 45 minutes until I knew I was late for my last day of highschool. My last day of my senior year. My last day of having anything to get me out of the house for any period of time.

I stared at the floor and dreamed of being able to leave. What it would be like to-

*BAM*

Stars float in my eyes and I hit the floor, my face stinging from where she'd punched me. I blink for a moment, dazed.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME YOU UNGRATEFUL SLUT!?!" Her voice raises multiple decibels. She crouches down in front of me and punches me again. My head slams back and hits the tile with an awful thunk. My vision starts to fade and I welcome the darkness.

***

I open my eyes to find myself at school, my face and knuckles hurt but other than that I'm relatively ok.

"Cali?" I blink for a moment completely coming back to my senses. "Did you hear me?" I look at the girl confused.

"Cali?" I ask. She blushes for a moment in what I assume is embarrassment before turning on her heal and fleeing down the hall. I stare after her for a moment before shaking my head and glancing at my watch.

Time for my second final, if I'm being honest I don't mind missing the first one. It's for my math class, physics. I suck at it but somehow I'm passing with flying colors, it confuses the hell out of me. I head towards my French final excitement filling me, the only class I can get away with being called by my preferred name and pronouns without it getting back to my parents. I'm practically skipping when I run into my best friends, Justin and Hector.

"Hey man, were you flirting with the les again?" They laugh.

"I have no idea." I make it sound like a joke like I always do but I'm being completely serious. This isn't the first time I've caught myself in conversations with people I don't know or situations I find completely confusing. The last time I'd blacked out in history and woken up in a convenience store halfway across town six hours after I was supposed to be home.

"Bro you've got to figure out what you're doing." Hector laughs, nudging me with his elbow as we climb the stairs.

"If you really like her I'm sure she'd be fine with dating a guy just this once." Justin laughs.

"Bro that's transphobic." I stare, I'm not being rude or aggressive about it, I'm just bringing it to his attention in a way that's VERY familiar to him. He unintentionally says fucked up shit A LOT. He tries to be better but when you're raised by Mormons it's hard to reprogram their bullshit out of your head.

"Damn, sorry bro." He makes a face showing his introspection for a moment before nodding. "I see it now. That was wrong of me bro, forgive me?" He asks, turning to me and holding his hand out. I take his hand and we bro hug for a quick pat.

"It's forgiven. Thanks for doing better man." We nod at each other uncomfortably for a second before heading into the classroom.

I never thought I'd end up friends with dude bros, but when they're the only ones who actually accept you and never judge you for saying and doing things you don't remember, you'll take what you can get.

I nod to our teacher and set my flip phone in the bin with the smartphones of my peers before heading to my seat prepared to kick my final's ass. She explains all the exam rules in French before passing them out. I smile at her warmly when she uses my name and doesn't call me a girl. It fills my very soul with warmth.

***

I come to once more, and I'm horrified. I'm in the worst situation I've ever come around to.

My black outs have never gotten this bad before. Sure I'd been beaten within an inch of my life, I'd woken up with a gun in my hand halfway through robbing a convenience store, I'd woken up in strangers beds with drugs in my system. One time I even came to right before being hit by a car that I had apparently jumped in front of. But this....

This is the worst one yet....

I am literally falling to my death.

I immediately struggle to get my phone, almost losing it due to high winds before opening my messages to send one last text, into a group chat.

"I no we dn't nrmly sy ths bt gvn the sitch it's ndd. I luv u gys."

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