Dear Diary - [A Valgrace Fanfic] - [11+]

[Chapter #4: Just..one...]

[- ! TW ! - Sh thoughts/mentioned - Sh - Blood -]

In The Morning...
JASON'S P.O.V:

Jason woke up. He had a bad headache.
He sat up and looked down and Leo, he was still sleeping. Jason got up, maybe a little to fast, maybe not. But he immediately got dizzy. He almost tumbled towards the ground, but arms suddenly wrapped around him.
"Woah, Jase. You almost had a accident there!" Leo chuckled a bit.
"Heh..oops." Jason said. He could barely think. It was the same feeling as last night, he just couldn't. He was so confused.
Maybe...the cutting stopped this feeling..mabye if he got that dagger again he could..stop the feeling..
*No! Absolutely not! Don't think that Jason. Training always helps you think, just go and train.* He thought.
"Jase? Helllooo?" Leo said, snapping Jason out of his thoughts.
"Oh- sorry..I zoned out."
"Yeah..it seems you've been doing that a lot. Hey, wanna go eat?" He offered.
Jason was suddenly reminded of how hungry he was.
"Yeah, sure, let's go." He said.
They both got dressed and started heading out.
When they got to the palavin, they got their food and sat down.
"Are you okay?" Leo asked him.
"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" Jason said.
Leo was silent for a moment.
"I don't know..you just look..so lost." He said.
"Lost?" Jason questioned.
"Yeah..like when we first met back on the bus." He said, still giving Jason a concerned look.
They ate the rest of their food in silence.
The truth was, Jason was lost. He was so confused. His head buzzed, he felt so empty, he felt like he could faint at any moment. He felt like he could sleep forever. Like sleep was the best option.
He couldn't shake the feeling off like he usually did. He kept coming back.
Finally, he finished eating, he got up and started heading over to the training arena. He could hear Leo calling out to him, but right now, he needed to figure out some way to escape this horrible feeling of emptiness.

LEO'S P.O.V:

*Why on earth did Jason just storm off??* Leo thought.
Jason was NOT acting normal. He was acting so strange, was it him?? Was Leo bothering him???
There's no way...Leo just needed to talk to him..figure out what was wrong.
He chased after Jason, once he caught up with him, Jason was holding his sword, but he wasn't using it. He was sitting there in the arena, sword in hand, staring at it, but not using it. He wasn't trying to hit the dummy or anything. Just..sitting there. Lost. Like he didn't know the swords purpose. Like he didn't know his purpose.
Leo walked up to him,
"Hey Jase?" He said, as softly as he could.
Jason jumped, almost dropping his sword that he was staring so hard at like it was some really important item.
"Are you ok? Why on earth did you run off? Without me?" Leo asked, he could hear his own sadness in his voice.
"Oh sorry, I guess I just really wanted to come over and train."
"..yeah..train. Is training all about staring at you're sword?" Leo asked.
Jason blushed.
"O-oh...I got distracted." He said.
"By you're sword? What was so distracting about you're sword?" Leo said.
"Leo just drop it." Jason said, kinda sternly.
"Ok..sorry." Leo said.
*Why was he avoiding it? Seriously, what really was so distracting about his sword, he's seen it a million times?" Leo thought.
Unless...he really just did want to get away from Leo.
"Well, I'll leave you to..train." Leo said, he didn't really wanna leave Jason. But he felt like he was bothering him, so he just decided to distance himself a bit. Just till' the feeling goes away.
"Alright." Jason said.
Leo walked away.

JASON'S P.O.V:

He really hadn't mean to push Leo away, but the sword...his sword..it reminded him of the dagger. He could use it...he could end his emtieness..just one cut....just one..one..

He immediately snapped out of it. But..he thought of another way to get rid of the emtieness. An easier way, a not as harmful way, he could go back to that tree. He could punch the tree.

He started to run, he sprinted back to the tree spot. Old blood stains from last time were still on the tree. He pulled up his sleeves. This was him basically training.
He started to punch the tree, after a couple minutes, new blood was on the tree, and his knuckles were scratched up and bruised. He looked back at his sword. It was glimming. He could easily pick it up and cut himself. He could easily end the emtieness. Just one cut.

One..

He couldn't help himself. He walked up and grabbed his sword, he stared at it for a short moment, he pulled up his sleeve. The old scar was still there. He lined up the sword on his arm.
Slice.
One.
Slice.
Two.
He stopped. Now, he had two new cuts on his arm. All the cuts together formed an X shape with a line through it. Three scars, that eventually would turn into ugly white lines that would never go away. Just like the tiny scar on his lip.
He set his sword down, which was now covered in blood.
He started cleaning his wounds, now finding something to do, a reason to do it, a reason to think, it felt nice to be independent. Once the scars were cleaned, he pulled his sleeve back down, and he started cleaning his sword.
Once his sword was cleaned, he walked back over to the arena and set it down on it's original spot.
He had new bruises and scratches on his knuckles, two new scars on his arm, and he was a complete wreck.
He was too tired now, he decided to head back to his cabin.
Once he got there, he sat down on his bed. Eventually, he layed back and let his head rest on the pillow, he quickly drifted off and fell asleep.