My Triumph

Chapter 2: Holding a Shield

**2008**

"Mom! There is a letter outside!" Heng's footsteps can be heard from the front yard and it gets louder as he rushes in.

"From who is it?" I ask from the kitchen by raising my voice since I'm trying to make some snacks for them later. Today is Sunday so our shop is closed and I can spend all of my time with my beloved children.

"Zhu... an... Sartika..?" What he just informed me, makes me freeze up from where I'm standing. Such a familiar name yet still not welcoming in my life. It's been more than a decade since I heard that name, that particular woman's name.

"Here, mom. Did I read it correctly?" Heng asks curiously while handing the letter to me which also wakes me up to reality. Once I look at him, his eyes are shining and full of hope that he gets to read it correctly. What a ball of sunshine as it makes the tip of my lips lift up.

"Well done, Heng. You read the name perfectly!" Praising for his excellence and giving headpats as a reward which makes his face brighter than ever.

"Qiu," I call our housemaid who is standing beside me, "please accompany Heng and Jieru to watch tv."

"Yes, Ma'am." She nods first and turns her head to look at Heng "Let's go Heng, we are going to watch tv together with Jieru in the main room."

Now that I'm alone in the kitchen, it gives me enough space to open the letter that comes uninvited. A letter from my mother.

To my dearest daughter, Niu.

Just from this one single sentence, my heart aches as I know this doesn't mean anything special.

How have you been? I believe you already have a bunch of kids over there. Your life seems okay there, huh? Since you never contact or send a letter to your family here. [husband] must be working so hard out there only for his family. Meanwhile, you are just taking care of your kids and the house. It's nice isn't it? You did nothing but be able to buy or get anything you wanted because of your husband's hard work.

Halfway through the letter, I can feel something boiling inside of me. Fifteen years have already passed by but nothing has changed from her. The amount of pressure from her sarcasm and assumption without knowing anything are hard to handle no matter how many times I experience it.

I know you can't do anything correctly, how bad your work is, I keep suggesting that you find a job. Stop being a burden to your husband and treat him nicely although you probably couldn't. Also best of luck to teach your children to behave well. I don't want you to turn my grandchildren into someone useless like you. You can't argue with it because I'm your mom. Mom knows the best for her children.

That is the end of her first letter. My hands squeeze the paper tightly as well as my jaws. My eyes burn as it is glaring at one point. But that burning moment only lasts for a few minutes until my lips curl up once again, forming a smile that I never thought I could make in such a situation after all these years. Probably, it's because of what she just wrote in the last part of the letter.

"Yes, Mom." Whispering underneath my breath, "I know what's the best for my children. They won't go through the same path as me." Another vow that I made for myself. A note that I will bring until death comes to get me.

It has been five years since we opened our own motorcycle shop. Correction, 'my' shop because Quan got his new job three years ago and the same circulation happened again. He barely got home or interacted with the children, especially Shoi-ming probably because of the incident five years ago. However, those kinds of things no longer bother me. Instead, it gives me peace and relief as he stays away from my children. Maybe I just got used to it or feel uneasy whenever he is around them? Both ways are fine by me.