Behind Blue Eyes

You're my home now

Naruto's pov

I hate it. I absolutely fucking HATE it! It's been three days since Kakashi-sensei visited us and I'm so confused. Sasuke seems to be avoiding me. We still sleep together because of my nightmares but it's not the same now. He still cares, I can feel it but something is off and I can't put my finger on it. I just miss him. Sometimes I wonder if he just grew tired of me or even bored of me. I decided to go to bed early, Sasuke's still training with Kakashi-sensei but he'll be back soon and I can't stop thinking about all this. Does Sasuke think I'm boring? Pathetic? Tiring? A crybaby? A burden? A demon? A murderer? A fat pig? Does he hate me now? But why won't he just tell me? Why won't he kick me out of his house?

Am I that pathetic? Does he feel so sorry for me that he won't tell me? Does he know something that I don't? What is it? At some point I could feel a single tear rolling down my face and I just let it all out. I cried and cried for what seemed like forever. I didn't say anything about my observation to Sasuke because I just don't want to come out as too clingy or whatever. He's the only person that I talk to so I kept all my emotions inside. Well, I could talk to Kakashi-sensei about it but I tense every time I think about being alone with anyone but Sasuke. That bastard.

- Dobe? - I heard Sasuke's voice from downstairs. Shit! I quickly wiped my tears away and pretended to be asleep. Just when I covered myself completely with his blanket I heard him open the bedroom door. - Naruto? - I heard him whisper. 

I wanted to scream, I wanted to hug him and tell him everything, ask him about the things that made me cry so hard that my head hurt but I kept my mouth shut. What if he finally sees how pathetic and clingy I really am? I started to cry again when I heard Sasuke close the door. I sobbed, cried and tried to be as quiet as possible. I feel that something broke between us. I hate it, I want it all back. Did I do something wrong? Am I too needy? 

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard a sigh from behind me. I thought that Sasuke saw me asleep and decided to leave but he didn't. Did he know I wasn't sleeping and made me think he left? Is he angry that I sort of lied to him? I can't talk to him now, I must look awful. He must be tired after training and he must be tired of me.

- Naruto... - he said sitting on the bed behind me and grabbing my arm.

- Hm? - I asked trying to sound happy but it came out raspy and broken.

- Why are you crying?

- Am not.

- Are too. 

- No.

- Come here - he said it so gently that I could feel the tears in my eyes ready to fall down any second. I just shook my head "no" and covered my head with his blanket not wanting him to see me like this anymore. I'll change. I'll be happy around him. I'll never cry in front of him, I'll never ask for a hug, I'll sleep in my own bed and muffle my screams with a pillow when I wake up from another nightmare. I won't bother him anymore. I'll be my old and goofy self and just bare with my problems on my own. - Naruto, please... Talk to me.

- I'm sorry - I said when he hugged me from behind.

- What...? What for? - he asked sounding confused.

- For bothering you with my problems, for being a crybaby, for tiring you, for being so clingy, for needing you all the time. I'm sorry... I'll change, I promise - I sobbed. - Just... J-just... Please, d-don't leave me. Don't ignore me, please... - I cried moving away from him.

- Hey, Naruto - he whispered hugging me again and holding me close to him. - What happened? Why are you saying this? Why would I ever leave or ignore you? - he asked softly while stroking my hair. I felt so lost at this point. Has he not noticed at all or was I just overreacting? I turned around in his arms to look him in the eyes and saw his gaze softening after seeing my face. I really must look awful now after all this crying.

- After Kakashi-sensei visited us... Well, I just feel like... Like you don't want me around for some reason. You put this distance between us a-and I don't know why. Have I done something wrong? A-am I too clingy? Do I need you too much? What can I do to fix it? Do you want me to leave? - I asked looking away.

- Naruto... - he smiled. - You're my home now. I don't ever want you to leave. Ever. I'm sorry if I made you feel this way. It's just that I have a thing that I need to take care of and it's stressing me out a bit - he confessed.

- I... I-I'm your h-home now? - I asked completely shocked. Sasuke just chuckled and hugged me so close that I buried my nose in his neck and inhaled his scent. It calmed me down immediately, I missed it, I needed it so damn much that I could cry.

- Yes, dobe, so don't you even think about leaving me now - he said. I smiled but then remembered what he said earlier.

- Sasuke...?

- Hm?

- What is this thing that you need to take care of? - I asked curious. I could feel  him  tense a little but he relaxed and started to stroke my hair again.

- I can't tell you yet but one day I will - he said with a hint of amusement.

- Oh... Top secret shit? - I asked trying to lighten the mood.

- Yeah, top secret shit - he chuckled.

- Okay, sorry. How was you training?

- It was fine. Kakashi was an ass though. He wanted to come here after our session and spend some quality time with us or some shit - he snorted.

- Oh... So you don't want Kakashi-sensei to come here?

- No, not today - he said.

- Why? Did something happen between you two? What is it?

- What happened was that I came home and saw you cry so I want you to relax and not stress about anything today. Kakashi can come here tomorrow, it's late anyway. Is that okay with you?

- Um... Yeah, sure - I said and then smirked. - Sasukeeee - I mused, a hint of mischief in my voice.

- What? - he asked curious.

- Get the camera ready for tomorrow. We'll be able to blackmail Kakashi-sensei whenever we please. Finally.

- Hn, dobe... What is it with you and blackmailing Kakashi?

- It's just fun - I stated and snuggled closer to Sasuke.

- Hn.

- Teme... You should shower, you smell like shit and I've changed the sheets today.

Sasuke just chuckled but stood up and went to the bathroom. I feel so much better after our little talk. It feels right again and I needed it very much. When Sasuke came back from the bathroom and laid down, I immediately snuggled close to him and rested my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. It is one of my most favorite things to do. When I listen to his heart I can actually feel that he's here with me, that he's okay and safe.

- Sasuke - I whispered half asleep looking up at him.

- Hm? - he answered almost asleep too.

- Okaeri - I said with a smile on my face. He opened his eyes to look at me and flicked my forehead with his fingers gently.

- Tadaima, dobe - he smiled and closed his eyes again. I chuckled quietly and rested my head on his chest again just to feel his heart beating like crazy. I looked up just to see Sasuke's calm expression. If it wasn't for his racing heartbeat I would say that he was actually sleeping.

- Teme, I know you're not sleeping - I said.

- Shut up, usuratonkachi - he groaned. My smile grew bigger when I finally closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with Sasuke holding me close and keeping me warm through the whole night. It feels like home. He feels like home. Sasuke's my home too.