you're on your own, kid

Chapter 5 - A High Christmas

"I'm sorry," I said, as I got into the car. It was almost 3am, on a cold, December morning. The sun was nowhere to be found, and for a while, neither was I.

"It's okay," Lena said, as she grabbed a blanket from the back for me.

"I didn't know what- normally I stay until at least the morning," I said, trying to justify what had happened not just to Lena but also to myself.

"It's okay," she once again repeated. I looked out the window as we drove back to her, or now our, apartment. I had made some real big mistakes last night, that I regretted as soon as they started. I looked so naive; so stupid. I was supposed to be safe, but instead, I was being dumb, sucking up any last chance I had at being a smart, mature person. But I couldn't help it. I craved it. I craved the love, attention, and people caring for me.

We made our way back to the apartment, and I landed on the couch, as Lena grabbed two hot chocolates for us to drink. Even though we were going to have to be up in a few hours for training, she stayed up with me. She helped me. She came and got me.

"I'm sorry," I said to her, as I sipped a little of the drink.

"Why do you do it?" she asked. I was taken aback at the question.

"I don't know."

"What does it make you feel like?"

"Not alone."

"Do you often feel alone?"

"I guess." She gave me a soft smile, before turning on the TV. We both fell asleep on the couch before being woken up by emergency phone calls from Ingrid reminding us that we had to rush for grass training this morning.

We had our first game of the Champions League season coming up in a round of 32 game against the Serbian side, ZFK Spartak. We were excited to start our new Champions League campaign. After last season, losing in the final, there was much to prove. We had to show Europe that we were champion material.

I was tired as we walked out onto the pitch. I felt my eyes shut too many times, and Lena sprayed her bottle on my face, making me even colder than I was before.

"To wake you up!" she exclaimed, before running off as she knew I was about to do the same.

"You alright, Mils?" Alex asked as I stopped before the grass.

"Yeah, yeah." She placed her hand on the small of my back, guiding me onto the grass.

We trained for a little while, on the grass. We passed the ball, played some rondos, and trained in small teams. As we were running around, I went in for the ball. I felt something, in my leg, and I bowed out of the game.

"Mila, what happened?" my manager asked.

"Just a niggle," I replied.

"Go inside. See the physio." I nodded my head, taking off my boots before walking inside into the treatment room. I took a seat on the bench before our physio came in.

"Mila?" the physio asked.

"Are you new?" I asked, having never seen the girl before.

"Yes," she chuckled. "I'm- I'm Ed- Elke."

"Ed or Elke?" I laughed.

"Elke."

"When I'm Mila and you don't sound German."

"Neither do you."

"I'm Dutch."

"And I'm Australian." I smiled at her before she sorted out my leg.

"Seems like just a muscle cramp," Elke confirmed. "Nothing to be worried about."

"Thank fuck."

"Did you have enough salt today?"

"Um-"

"Make sure you have some salt, it helps with cramps."

"That's a weird fact to know," I laughed.