you're on your own, kid

Chapter 3 - The Small Things

I woke up the following day in an empty bed but heard the rustling coming from the kitchen. I popped on a jumper I grabbed from Lena's closet, and walked out to see her cooking up a storm.

"Hey," I said, sitting on the bar stool as she stood over the pan. "Whatcha making?"

"Eggs. Do you like scrambled or fried?"

"Fried, please." She served me up an egg, with a piece of toast and some avocado. "Thank you." She came and sat beside me, her own plate having scrambled, bacon, and tomato.

"Don't worry, I cooked the bacon in a separate pan," Lena said before I asked.

"How did you know-"

"That you're vegetarian?" Lena answered. "I'm observant, I guess you could say." I smiled softly, getting back to the food that was in front of me.

After helping Lena with the cleanup, I grabbed my bag, knowing it was my queue to head off.

"Thanks, by the way, for- for-"

"Don't worry about it," Lena replied, knowing I most likely didn't want to talk about it. Any of it. At least not yet. I gave her a soft hug, breathing in her strong perfume that now only reminds me of her.

I headed back to my apartment, and when I unlocked my door, the sense of isolation hit me, once again, right in the face.

I grabbed my phone, wanting to give Ivy a ring.

"Hey," I said, into the phone, as I spoke to my sister who was currently living in London for uni.

"You alright?" Ivy asked. She seemed busy.

"Yeah, yeah, just alone," I responded.

"Who was with you last night?" she asked, knowing I didn't often spend the evening by myself.

"No one," I replied.

"Mila, you know you can't lie. Was it that really gross guy that you were telling me ab-"

"Can we not talk about him?" I asked, interrupting my sister, knowing I was about to cringe at all my past choices.

"Then who?"

"Genuinely no one," I answered. "I just spent the night at my teammate's place."

"Oh, okay. Well, that seems healthy." Ivy always made me laugh. She never knew exactly what to do to try to help me, but always tried her best. That's why I loved her. My weird, younger sister.

"You're so strange," I laughed.

"Look, I've got to go. But call me later."

"Are you going to be able to come out any time soon?" I asked, quickly before she was about to hang up.

"Possibly. I'll let you know." The phone soon disconnected, and I was once again alone. I'm not sure when this inherent fear came about. It had been going on for as long as I could remember. Up until I left for Amsterdam, I would spend many nights in Ivy's bed, and even though she despised it, she never said no. When I left my hometown and moved to the big city, I messed around with Christiaan and any other guy that sparked interest.

It was a stupidly, ridiculous mind fog, but nothing could change it. I needed people too much. I relied on others.

That would be my downfall.

The following few days we continued to train before our next game against Hoffenheim. It was the next league game, and it was going to be harder than Essen. Although Essen was a good side, Hoffenheim was better. They always had been.

I arrived at the training ground before we were set to head down to Hoffenheim. When I walked into our common room, I realized I was one of the first there. I checked the time realising I left 45 minutes earlier than I needed to.