mutuality | wroetoshaw

thirty nine

Hi all! It's my 21st birthday tomorrow - so I most likely won't be updating for a little while to just enjoy it & the following couple days! Crazy to think I started writing these silly little fan fictions at age 15 & I'm about to turn 21 because what !!! Anyways, Leo's rule & enjoy this chapter 😌 (I'm sorry it's so short but I am SO TIREDDDD!!)

Dubai had ended early, obviously. Harry had kind of taken charge, because I'd kind of shrunk in on myself, not wanting to do much, which I felt awful about because I felt as if I was ruining everyone else's holiday.

The day I was discharged from hospital, I'd gotten back to my hotel room and burst into tears in the bathroom. I thought Harry was downstairs grabbing food, but he was in the room and had heard me crying, deciding then and there that we would catch an earlier flight, which I think was exactly what I needed.

"Flights booked for tonight. We're flying back with Ethan, Kirsty and Kon...everyone else wanted to come back too, but we managed to persuade them to stay. They'll come see us off," he tells me gently, both of us lying in bed together, with his arms wrapped round me protectively.

I just sniffle into his chest appreciatively. "Thank you," is all I say, keeping my eyes closed, trying to think about all of the good things that had come out of this trip, but flashbacks from that night remaining at the front of my mind. I couldn't escape it, and it was terrifying.

"Have you had a bath, since...?" He asks, and I shake my head. I know I need one, but I just don't have it in me. "Come on. I'll help, I'll make it as relaxing as I can," he encourages, pulling the duvet away from our legs.

It seems like such a huge, impossible task, but knowing that Harry's willing to help makes it a little easier. I agree, and he starts to run the bath for me whilst I take off my clothes.

I catch sight of myself in the full length mirror, noticing the sight of my legs, along with my arms and wrist. I then look at my face, and it's like looking at a stranger. My face looks hallow, probably from where I hadn't eaten for a while, and the rings around my eyes from where I'd been crying. I looked like a mess, and I was terrified that Harry would see right through me.

What if he'd stop loving me?

"Bath's ready!" He calls from the bathroom, blissfully unaware of my own perception of myself, and how much I was struggling right now. Opening up to him was genuinely the last thing I wanted to do. Not because I liked keeping things from him, but because I knew he'd worry, and stress, and that wasn't what I wanted. I knew he was stressed enough, and I wasn't planning on adding to that.

He helps me climb into the bath, crouching down besides the tub, splashing some water gently over my hair.

He shampoos it tenderly, then using the detachable shower head to rinse it all out, conditioning it out after.

My legs sting a little bit, but I suffer through, enjoying the rest of the bath.

"I'm going to rub some body wash over...that alright?" He asks hesitantly, and I nod my head slowly. I watch him very carefully as he is gentle and soft with my skin, running it over my very bruised and sore wrist with care.

The bath lasts around twenty minutes, and then he's helping me to dry myself.

He's already offered to start packing up our things, so I get changed into some trackies and one of Harry's jumper.

Instinctively, I reach for my phone but remember I no longer have one.

The Polaroid.

I don't even realise I'm crying until Harry is rushing over, bringing me into a hug.