Within The Word Fate

chapter 7 - Wander The Night

  Fidgeting with the pen that was between my fingers and concentrating on the notebook, I tried to scribble down something, anything. I'm not one that would find passion or relief while drawing or writing, but I figured holding the pen close to the blank paper would help get out some of the desperation as Google has suggested.  The moon reflecting through the opened curtains was the only light supply to the room. I didn't want to risk lighting up the room at such late hour. Too, I figured this sort of dark environment could help me with letting it out on the blank sheet. You know, the hole quite and dark atmosphere drift.

  The clock to my opposite glared 3:27, pledging me to sleep and hope for as fresh as my morning can get. I couldn't slumb no matter how drained I felt though, fearing dreams that refused to become at bay.They haunted me every time I surrendered to unconsciousness. I wasn't sure how to handle how awful they had become so I completely gave up on sleep now. It was past way too late for this grim town. The streets from my window looked hollow and deserted. Lamp posts linning everywhere to indicate sheer nothingness while I stared from my uncomfortable window seat.

I stopped fidgeting with the pen and genuinely got bored of simply sulking for what feeled like forever. The past few weeks of my despair being indifferent, they rushed through my vision as a frowned thinking what was happening to me.

  I went to school and tried to act normal. I avoided Zachary and proudly succeded. Though when I finally decided to man up and confront him; I got to know that he's been absent ever since I last saw him. I tried to reach out for his other friends skeptical, but they never showed up.

I sucked up to my friends and they welcomed my return generously. I did a thorough preparation for my week away exams. I even stayed after school on Monday and watched Jain practice cheer-leading. I've been to every footbal game for Ian and even baired with his after school practice days. I helped mom with some charity work too at free times. I tried bussing myself with everything to ease the internal battle of confusion and terror that engulfed me.

  Sitting still on top of an uncomfortable seat motionless; minutes turned into hours, but the dreadful night refused to finally turn into dawn. The idea of letting out some of my trapped emotions on a paper didn't really work. Not with me at least. I folded the notebook close and abandoned the pen on top of it.

  I turned to face the window again. Looking out directly at the moon. It was a full moon today. I was never one to admire the moons beauty, but tonight it caught my attention fully. It genuinely looked beautiful. Staring at such beauty my heart ached. I could feel this picky feeling annoying my gut. I gulp rose up to my throat. My eyes burned and suddenly became blurry. I felt heavy, so heavy and the despicable feeling settled deep inside me with utter nuisance. I closed my eyes tightly and swallowed back the lump.

A pang, like a needle striking my skin deeply, but quickly; pressed at my right wrist. I could feel it touch a vein there and it burned with sudden pain. My eyes flew open with a short, low gasp. I clutched my wrist, but the pain was fast gone. Just like that. I blinked and focused again on breathing evenly. It was just a mere sting that was soon forgotten. Anxiousness got the better or me though by then. I got off the bed and slipped on my grey Ugg's and a dark baggy hoodie over my white shirt. I slipped my phone into the my hoddie pocket and sneaked my way out of my room.

I ducked, swiftly and carefuly moved, pressed my back against the wall occasionally, twisting the knobs painfully slowly and sprinted for it as soon as I could. I finally standood out of the mansion gates staring at the dead road ahead of me while I took deep breaths to supply my body with much needed oxygen.

  I wandered around the streets aimlessly then, kicking stray waste and humming quietly to myself. I turned up in front of Ian's gates. I eyed the metal door dumbfounded for a little while. What am I doing here? It's really late. I eyed down the bright scream of my phone 4:20 am. I blinked.

  He'd never let it go after, but I was acheing to risk it. I decided to text him. If he was up he'd reply back, but if he was asleep he obviously wouldn't wake up from a quite buzz or a ring.

Are you awake?--it read.

 5 seconds later,

 Are you serious?--he texted back.

  I dailed his number instead. He picked up after the first ring. "Is someone dead?" he urged frantically.

  "Hey! why would you say that? No one that I know off is dead," I told him, bewildered.

"Then what's wrong? What happened?" he sounded panicked.

  I frowned.

"What's wrong?" I enquired starting to feel worried.

"You tell me, you're the one that's untraditionaly up so late!" 

  "Ian, I just couldn't sleep---I'm here at your door. Wear something warm and come if you can," I explained quickly, not really knowing what had suddenly gotten in to him.

"You're what?!" He peered open his curtains to look down at me. I ushered him to come down with my hands before he closed it back quickly.

  "Make it quick," I told him.

" I think you're sleep walking," he said in a hast, his voice breathless.

  Right after he was done talking. I could see the main door getting opened and he walked out of it. He breathed out when his gaze landed on me and rushed to open the gate.

"Have you finally gone mad? What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shook my shoulders thoroughly, bellowing at me loudly.

  "Shhhhhh!" I hushed him harshly because he was about to wake the entire town," Are you nuts?!" I hissed, " I just can't sleep," I continued.

"So wander around alone at this hour?" he hissed back angrily, "Are you insane? Come inside, I'll ask Natalie to make you something to help you sleep," he urges to get inside.

"No, no, no," I disagreed, "I was hoping we could go for a walk," I pleaded.

He only stared at ke with a flabbergasted look, "It's late," he said it like it was something I couldn't comprehend with but had to understand.

  I rolled ky eyes. "I know. Will you walk or not?"

"You should go back home and get some sleep," he told me off, coming back from his fussed out expression to a stern one.

"I shouldn't have turned up to you," I corrected bitchly.

  I pursed my lips to stop myself from cursing at him. I turned around to start my trip all alone, screw him. I stormed away from him quickly, but I could still feel him as close as he was when standing in front of me a moment ago. I came to a halt and turned slightly to find him right by my side flashing me a taunting smile.

  "I'll make sure you entered your room," he stated. I rolled my eyes and walked further.

  Looking down again from my window, I looked down at Ian to let him know I was inside now. He waved quickly and then jogged his way back home. I pulled the curtains close and sighed. Slumping back on the window seat; I relaxed my exhausted body, breathed in and out heavily, closed my eyes, wriggling I felt comfortable in a tight position where my back was pressed against the window.

  Time passed by.