Tw: attempted suicide
" Will get away from the edge of the fucking roof." It was the voice I needed to hear, but not the one I wanted. Phil stood behind me, a couple of paces away, his hand outstretched slightly. I looked over at him, tears in my eyes. A small smile of regret was all I could give to him, as i tucked my legs underneath me and stood up. I was only just balanced on the thin ledge that stood between my father and death.
There was no point anymore. Phil didn't need me, he had Tommy and techno to help him get over my death. Fundy didn't need me anymore, he was an adult, who wanted no connection to his disgusting psychotic father, the disappointment of the Server.
I had already died once, but life played its cruelest hand, and pulled me back from limbo. I was a different person when I came back, meaning I had given up. With life, with my siblings, and family. with my son.... The only person I wanted to see despised me. He despises me. And I love him.
So this was it. I was done. I was ready to go mad in limbo again, if that was what would happen. And if I died, truly died, then I would be at peace, confident in the knowledge that no one would miss me.
"Wilbur please come down." I froze. Fuck. I had left a not on his pillow, it was one last attempt to save my own life, but once I got up here, I wanted him less and less. He didn't love me, he couldn't save me. I turned round fully, and I heard him gasp, as i wobbled slightly.
"Hey Q." I said, watching him closely, as he too, a step forward. Phil stayed silent, his hand over his mouth. "Phil, can you leave us alone?" I asked, smiling at my father, he shook his head, but walked slowly over to the door, glaring daggers at quackity as he passed. It was a look that said if he goes down, I'm throwing you off with him. I almost laughed, but I felt weird, because the tears wouldn't stop. It was the good and bad fighting in my head.
"I'm surprised that you even came." I said, the smile disappeared. It was then that I noticed his hands were shaking, that there were tears in his eyes too. It muzzled me slightly. He told me he hated me. He didn't care. He didn't care, I know he didn't.
"Wilbur what the fuck. Why are you doing this?" He asked, his voice breaking. "Why did you think I wouldn't care? You could have talked to me will." I let out a harsh bark of laughter. He took another two steps forward, so I moved along the ledge.
" I could have talked to you quackity? Sure." I laughed. Was he really that dumb? I fucking love him, and he treats me like shit. Somehow, I dont think that sounds like a good conversation starter. I remembered sitting on this very ledge with him, cigarettes getting passed between us. I was playing with my lighter, entranced by the flickering flame. He had talked to me the whole night, and I think it was the first conversation we had ever had without him telling me to fuck off or get out of his country. But no, I could have just talked to him.
"Really will, you cou—" I cut him off. " NO I COULDNT HAVE FUCKING TALKED TO YOU. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, YOU HATE ME. YOU HATE ME, EVERYONE HATES ME. SO DONT YOU STAND THERE AND TELL ME THAT I COULD HAVE TALKED TO YOU." the tears were thick down both of our faces, and he began stepping towards me again. I didn't move this time though, the explosion inside of me not allowing me to think of anything else.
" please will." He kept his voice soft this time. "Of course people don't hate you. Loads of people love you." I didn't have any more power to shout. I was done, this conversation was at an end. I dropped my head down, staring at the ground below. I wished for death now more than ever, I couldn't bare to hear him lie to me any more. I turned back to him.
"But you don't love me, Q. And you're all I care about." I whispered. He was close enough now to hear me, too close. "Goodbye Quackity, I'm sorry for loving you." I let myself fall backwards. I shut my eyes, finally, ignoring quackity's scream of guilt and pain.
Peace at last.
Then I felt my body stopped falling.
Quackity held onto my waist, holding onto me tightly, keeping my body pressed to his. He was screaming for Phil, his hand was slowly slipping off the ledge that I had just been stood on. I was suddenly washed with guilt, and even more love than I thought was possible. He cared. He cared enough to risk his life for me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his side.
The door banged open and three pairs of feet ran towards us. Phil grabbed quackitys wrist, techno grabbed Phil's ankles and Tommy stood next to them, tears thick in his eyes. My family. I couldn't believe that I thought they didn't need me.
We were both pulled over the side, and I was laid down, looking up at the sky. Someone lay sobbing on my chest, saying words that I couldn't hear. My ears were ringing and I couldn't move, there was a tightness in my chest which made it hard to breathe. But I was alive.
It took a few seconds for The feeling to push away the numb, I started to breathe again. I looked down at Quackity, who was still laying on my chest. Phil was comforting Tommy, and techno was sat with his hands on his head. But I kept my eyes on Q. He looked up at me, with his beautiful, cruel, teary eyes. When I began to move properly, my hearing returned, and I could hear him whispering.
"I love you, I love you, I promise, I love you wilbur." His voice was strained, and breaking. That broke me. I sat up, grabbing his waist, pulling him onto my lap. I held him to me, tighter than I have ever hugged anything, because I loved him more than I loved anything before. I closed my eyes as he planted little kisses on my face, still whispering between kisses.
I heard techno talking behind me, but I could t pay attention, too happy with my ducky in my arms. But clearly techno wasn't having that. Q was suddenly ripped from my arms, leaving me cold and empty. I looked up at techno, as he stood over me, holding quackity up by his neck.
"Stay away from my brother quackity." He growled. "You caused this, and you can't ever fix this." Quackity was struggling against techno, but he was slowly turning red. I tried to leap up, but was stopped by a small blonde child as he came barrelling into me.
"Get off Tommy." I tried pushing him off, but he held on tight. I grabbed onto the small boy, starting to scream at techno, whilst standing up with Tommy in my arms. Phil ran forward, trying to get techno to realise Q. I pushed Tommy into Phil's arms, running over to techno. I stood between him and quackity, looking at techno.
"Let him go technoblade, it's not his fault." I said, laying a hand on his shoulder. His eyes which had been bright red, faulty red slightly. I turned, holding onto Q, catching him as techno let go. I sat with a gasping quackity in my arms, hating the bruises that were already forming on his neck.
"You ok Q?" I asked, rubbing his back
I looked up at techno, thanking him. I arranged Q so that I could stand up with him in my arms, like I had done with Tommy. I looked over a Phil, who stood with his hand on techno's shoulder, Tommy asleep in his arms. The poor boy must have been exhausted.
I looked at my family, walking over to them, quackity snuggled in my arms. I stroked my little brothers hair, happy that he was sleeping. I would have to go and apologise, to make up for making him so sad. Techno looked at me apologeticly, but I just shook my head at him. It wasn't his fault.
I set Q down, pulling my brother into a hug, which Phil quickly joined. It was a good ending to a very bad event, but I knew that I had my head on straight. I knew I would never do anything like this again.
I wrapped my arms around quackitys waist, my head resting on his shoulder, as we waved goodbye to my family. I held on tight. He was mine.
"I'm sorry that it took something that bad for me to realise that I love you will." He whispered. I just hugged him tighter. "Its not your fault," I laughed, grabbing his hand, leading him back to his room. (It was the top of quackitys office building that they were on, and big Q sleeps there.)
We fell on the bed together, him laying on my chest, my arms wrapped around him. It was in the silence that I was normally tormented by those thoughts, but with my ducky in my arms, all that was left was warm fuzzies and love, my love for him.
