Miraculous One-Shots 2023

Drunk History: Oblivio

Marinette walked into the hotel room slamming the door closed behind her.

"I hate him!" she hissed. "I hate his stupid blond hair, and his stupid pretty green eyes, and his stupid too good to be true personality." She made her way to the bedroom and threw her work bag in before slamming that door closed. "Spots on."

Marinette's body was suddenly taken over in a pink and red glow, transforming her everyday clothing into her super suit; though, unfortunately, the transformation didn't affect her current mood.

"What's eating you?" Alya asked, messing with the camera she was currently setting up in the main room.

"Not Adrien Agreste, that's for sure."

Marinette was fuming! Absolutely, horrifically fuming!

You're a great friend and I never want that to change.

Great friends! Oh, how she'd love to take that word and shove it up his pretty, pert ass. Nice and deep where the sun doesn't shine!

She was certain Adrien was going to ask her out today. They'd been randomly making out at parties now for weeks; one glass of wine and they were mounting each other, lips locking and tongues tangling but nope! She was still 'just a good friend!'

He'd called her into his office today 'to talk' and where in her head he was about to ask her out on the date of her dreams, one she'd been imagining for five years, and would solidify their budding relationship, But hell no! He had other ideas.

"I feel like I've been leading you on, Marinette. I'm sorry I've been taking advantage of you; I don't know what's coming over me. But the last thing I want to do is hurt you. You're such a great friend and I never want that to change."

His words not only stabbed her in the heart but gave it an added twist too, turning her once warm and loving centre into a sautéed steak, ripped apart by wild beasts. But being Marinette; she was fine with Adrien's declaration, so fine that she kept a smile on her face and told him that their friendship meant everything to her.

... Then she went back to her own office and sobbed. She cried like a baby wanting her Maman.

"You know what? I hate men! I hate everything about them. I hate that they don't have periods, I hate that they don't have boobs and I hate the fact that they have a penis!" She sat down in a chair, grabbed a hold of the bottle of Jack Daniel's — that she was quite sure was Chat Noir's — and drank straight from the bottle, wincing as it burned on the journey down her throat. "You know what? Screw men! Screw them all!"

"I'm quite sure you not getting screwed is causing this issue." Alya said under her breath, moving to her laptop and pressing the buttons to focus her camera.

Oh, how she'd love to tell Marinette that the reason Adrien wasn't with her was because of... well... her, but Marinette had sworn her to secrecy after the last failed attempt and one thing was for certain, you didn't mess with the guardian, especially when said guardian was downing Jack Daniel's like an 18-year-old boy trying to enter a fraternity.

A faint knock at the window grabbed the attention of both girls, Alya knowing it was guest number two, also the boy who Marinette was deeply pissed off with — not that he knew that.

Heading to the balcony, Alya opened the door and let in a sombre looking Chat Noir.

She couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly made him so sad? After all, it wasn't like he'd turned down the love of his life/best friend today.

They were both morons.

"Hi." Chat's voice was monotone as he greeted the girls and walked into the room, stealing the bottle of Jack Daniel's from Ladybugs pursed lips, slumping down onto a chair and placing the bottle against his own. Alya was sure if he wasn't so seemingly depressed, he would have made a joke about them 'technically' kissing.