Fire

Doubts and Worries

The hallways were empty, save for a servant or two that slipped past me without saying anything, and I found myself wandering aimlessly, not sure of where to go.

Five minutes later I found myself standing in front of a pair of large double doors. Asher’s room. Obviously my subconscious knew what I really wanted.

I only hesitated for another moment before turning the knob. The door creaked a little as I pushed it inwards and I winced.

The room beyond was sunlit and warm. Asher was propped up in bed with a book in his lap. He glanced up when he heard the door, and the startled look on his face turned into a wide smile.

“Hey, couldn’t sleep?”

I was across the room instantly, climbing into bed with him so fast it would have made me blush in other circumstances, but now that he was here in front of me my entire body started to shake. It was like seeing him in the dream had made me worry about him, like maybe he wasn’t really okay, and Charlotte hadn’t been able to heal him after all.

But he was here and he was fine, and as I climbed under the sheets with him he hooked one arm around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. “You’re so warm,” he said, and then his brows creased in concern. “You’re shaking. Jess, what’s wrong?”

 “Nightmare,” I mumbled. “It was horrible…I saw…” I didn’t want to say it. “I saw her. I saw it happen again…” I swallowed hard.

Asher held me tightly, and I let my body relax into his. He couldn’t wash away the image that kept playing over and over in my head, but he was comforting all the same. A firm, real presence beside me.

“It fades with time,” he promised. “The first time I saw something like that happen I was in shock for days. You’re actually handling it better than I did.”

“I think it’s still doesn’t feel real,” I said slowly. “It feels like I was just watching a movie or something, like I was just a bystander. I feel…cold.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “Is that bad? Does that mean I'm a terrible person?”

Asher shook his head. “The human mind does what it needs to in order to protect itself.” He trailed one finger down my cheek, his bright eyes searching my face. “It probably means you’ll be good in battle someday.”

“I don’t know if I’d want to go into battle,” I murmured. “The thought of having to kill people…”

Asher grimaced. “I know, it isn’t pleasant. It isn’t something you look forward to, you’re not supposed to. We’re lucky, we haven’t had to go to battle in over twenty years.” He pulled the sheets more tightly around us. “I haven’t seen battle. Minor skirmishes with the rebels, but nothing past that.”

“Well I don’t think you’d have a problem. I’ve seen you use a sword.”

He grinned and pretended to flex his biceps. “Did you enjoy watching?”

He was obviously trying to make me laugh, to take my mind off everything. It worked. “It was okay,” I teased. “Not the best show I’ve ever seen…”

Asher poked me in the ribs, tickling me, and I tried to squirm away, but he only held on tighter. I ended up thrashing and kicking him in the shins, giggling so hard I snorted, and he stopped, pretending to look shocked. “That wasn’t very lady like of you.”

I punched him in the arm. “Would you rather I’d peed my pants? Because that’s where this was going if you kept tickling me.”

He made an awful face at me. “Well that’s gross.”