The Rescue

Chapter 42

The morning is slow and unhurried. They both wake up at different times and opt to slip back under sleep's spell. They both feel incredibly exhausted. It's not until the sun is high in the sky that Lena can't fall back under. She chooses to lay on her side, watching Kara sleep. She smiles lightly at the quiet snores and little twitches in the blonde's face. She must be dreaming. Lena is gentle as she reaches out to run the pads of her fingers down that unfairly symmetrical face. She's pleased to see it relax under her ministrations.

She could spend eternity like this.

Internally, Lena sighs at the thought. She could easily spending all her time with this woman, but she doesn't know how to be in a relationship. Hell, she barely has any friends. Just Sam, and that was more of Sam's doing than Lena's. That fear of inadequacy creeps up her spine. She can barely manage her own emotions much less take someone else's feelings into consideration.

And Kara... poor Kara. Her last relationship was just so horrible that she is still recovering from it. Maybe they are moving too fast. Maybe they aren't ready. Lena does her best to stop the thoughts in their tracks, but it's difficult. There is a nagging feeling in the back of her head that her conclusion isn't unjustified. She has never learned how to deal with the trauma she's faced. She gives herself credit; she is learning. It's slow and hard, but Kelly has been helping her figure herself out. It's just going to take time. They both need time to heal, but the question remains... Can they heal together?

Lena keeps tracing that loveable face. She's so deep in thought that she doesn't even notice that blue eyes are staring back at her. She's only alert when a raspy voice whispers, "Mornin'." When Lena goes to pull away her hand, Kara is quick to tack on, "Don't stop."

Lena smiles as she puts her fingers back on soft skin to continue their venture. "Good morning, darling."

"What were you thinking about?"

Lena lets a sigh escape. "Things that I probably shouldn't be thinking about. But... I just can't help it."

"Care to share?" Kara's voice is soft, free of judgment and malice.

Lena bites her lip. She really should start sharing her thoughts. This is how they wound up in this mess in the first place. "I- couldn't help but wonder if we- if we are going to fast." Lena moves her finger to try to smooth out the crinkle forming. "It's just a random thought that came; it doesn't mean that I believe it. But... it does make me wonder. We both have so much trauma. I still need time to heal from mine, and I won't speak for you, but I do worry about you. I- I just... I don't know if trying to tackle it together will help or hinder..."

Kara hums slightly in response. She takes a moment before choosing her words carefully. "I understand where your brain is coming from, and honestly I don't know either. I won't pretend to know what will definitively work or not work, but what I do know, is that we both tried to cope on our own before we even met. And I don't think I'm speaking out of turn when I say that we both did horrendous jobs of it."

Lena chuckles and nods her head in agreement with that sentiment.

Kara continues gently, "To me, it can't be any worse. I didn't even tell anyone about Mike for years. I pretended like it didn't even happen or that it didn't impact me the way it has. Last night..." Kara chokes up. "Last night, when I... when I flinched at your touch... I never want to react that way again. I never want to make you feel like you did something wrong by just trying to comfort me."

Lena opens her mouth to protest, but Kara shakes her head and presses on. "I know... I know. You didn't feel like that for very long, but you still felt it at some level. You compared yourself to him because how could you not in the moment. But going back to if we are going too fast, I think we are stronger together. We've both provided comfort to each other. We've both made mistakes. But we have each other to keep ourselves accountable and on track. That's just my thoughts. I don't want to pressure you into agreeing with me if it's not what you need, Lena. I just want you happy. I want us to be happy."