The Rescue

Chapter 41

"What?"

There is a deep breath.

"I- I'm the reason you've had to take off so much work. And I- I'm so sorry... I should have... I never expected you to drop everything for me or to take time off or sto-"

In the time that Kara starts her inevitable ramble of an apology, Lena's mind races. She tries to understand what Kara is saying; she really does. What on Earth is Kara even talking about? Does she not remember the days at the hotel that she took days off because of her own emotions? Kara's the one who took off work for her. Hearing Kara's voice but not paying attention to the words, Lena just holds up her hand in a gentle 'stop' gesture. Silence falls again.

Kara's frozen. She only looked up because she saw movement in her peripheral, but she quickly understands the message. Her mouth clamps shut. She blinks rapidly, trying her hardest to not cry. Lena doesn't want to hear her excuses. And she would be right. There is no excuse for abusing Lena's kindness. Normally, this is the point that Kara would leave, but... this is her own apartment. Instead, she slumps a bit, almost like all the energy has been sucked right out of her. She can't bring herself to look up at Lena, so she stares at her own feet.

Lena stares wide eyed from the kitchen. Her eyes darting all across the blonde woman, trying to find some piece of information that actually makes sense. She puts the knife down gently before padding over to the frozen woman. She sees the visible jump when Lena takes Kara's hands in her own. She didn't hear Lena's approach, likely too caught up in her own head. Lena takes a deep breath to steady herself. She desperately trying not to overreact and figure out what exactly Kara is thinking before jumping to an assumption or conclusion.

"Darling?" she asks softly while squeezing those warm hands. Kara doesn't look up. "Darling, what do you mean? I don't understand... please... help me understand. Did I- Did I scare you with the panic attack?"

That peaks Kara's attention immediately. Her eyes dart up to Lena's face with nothing but confusion in them. "Panic attack? No, no Lena. Those don't scare me."

Lena blinks and furrows her brows, equally confused as her partner. "Then, why were you running for so long?"

Kara shifts her weight nervously. "Y- you said..."

Lena's mind takes her back to the morning. She thinks hard about what followed after the panic attack.

"Well, then allow me to apologize for having to get going. I need to log in to get ready for some meetings today. I really must go."
"Lena, maybe you should just take a bit more time-" Kelly starts.
"I can't. I've been taking too much time off as it is."

Lena's eyes water. She finally understands. "Oh... Oh, Kara... That's-"

Kara takes a step back and pulls her hands away from Lena's. She turns her body as if she's about to make a break for it.

Lena finds herself taking a step forward, desperate to keep their closeness. "Darling... that's not what I meant this morning. That was not directed at you... I was frustrated with myself. Please... just... let me explain."

Kara tries to blink back her tears. What else could she have meant? She was talking about time away from work, and she took off work for Kara. When fingers first brush against her cheek, she flinches. Oh. Oh no. Kara sees the heartbreaking expression on Lena's face. It was just a reaction. Kara didn't actually think...

Lena steps back, giving Kara her space. She thought... for just a second... Kara thought that she was going to hurt her. Lena's stomach sinks. She tries to keep her face neutral. She can easily see that Kara immediately regretted her reaction. But it rings in Lena's head. Kara's heard these excuses before. She's been gaslit with versions of true events, told her feelings weren't or shouldn't be valid. Lena has to bite back the bile rising in her throat. She can never do that to Kara. She would never do that to Kara.