Memento Mori -ussrxuk-

slipping through my fingers

broke the cardinal rule of only using british songs because this one abba song just slaps this fucking hard and also works for this chapter

British unironically POV:

"I've just realised something,"

Soviet sits at his desk. Thing's have settled down since earlier and we're just talking now. It's honestly my favourite thing to do with Soviet. I feel as if I can speak my mind on various topics and be part of a fair and enjoyable debate without it descending into an argument like how it does with so many others.

"What have you realised, Soviet?"

He smiles and leans against his desk.

"We are being very illegal right now," Soviet says with a smirk.

"Oh," I hum, "I hadn't even realised,"

Soviet looks at me surprised. Then, another smirk graces his lips.

"Really? I thought you were worried about everything... Guess you don't mind being a criminal," Soviet chuckles.

I put a hand to my chin in thought. Why is it illegal to love someone anyways?

"Do you?" I ask.

He's clearly caught off guard by my question. He shakes his head with another chuckle.

"No. Not at all," Soviet mutters, "We've all been a little illegal before though, haven't we?"

"Of course," Though I'd assume I've done a lot worse than you could ever imagine.

A comfortable silence fills the room. The quiet was so awful by myself before. If I hadn't of left for all that time, would this have even happened? I doubt it.

But if I had found a way to stay... I wouldn't have upset anyone. I shouldn't have been so weak. I should've stayed regardless. I wouldn't be such a failure of a father that way. God, I'm just like him.

He'd say something twisted like how he's proud of me for this. He'd say something like children won't learn anything if they're coddled.

...Being there for someone isn't coddling.

"You're shaking... What are you thinking about, Bunny?"

Soviet's voice pulls me from the depths of my thoughts. Sure enough, I'm shaking. I need to stop thinking about him, but it's like he's always there... Rotting away at the back of my mind. A constant reminder of the past.

"...Sorry. I was just... Lost in thought,"

Soviet stands up and pulls his chair up beside me. He sits back down again and gently places his hands on top of mine. He gives me a warm smile and I feel a slight blush creep onto my face.

"Don't apologise... Now, is there something wrong?"

I let out a small sigh.

"It's nothing really..."

Soviet leans in slightly closer, our faces are close again. So close.

"It doesn't look like nothing. It looks really serious, actually," He murmurs.

"Soviet..."

"I mean it. What exactly were you thinking about?"

I don't exactly need another round of 'everything that I think isn't actually going to happen and everything is fine, actually. Don't worry about it.'

But I really don't know what to do... And Soviet's always been good with advice. My head drops, almost as if my body it reacting to my embarrassment and shame and whatever else I'm thinking.