No Place Like Home | Solby ✔️

(1) Fragile Hearts

Fuck. I really should have died back there.

I looked around hazily, seeing hospital equipment, and a hospital room around me.

"..Yeah...I...he's coming to," the doctor said, but my ears were ringing harshly, giving me a headache more then that blinding light did.

"Agh..shit.. what the fuck? Why am I still..?" I tried to sit up, but the doctor pushed my shoulder down.

"Please stay lying down, Colby. We still have to make sure you're healthy," the doctor's cold voice made me actually realize what was happening.

I began tearing up as I unwillingly remembered what happened.

-

The loud music filled my ears, mind, body, and soul as I grabbed the pill bottle with shaky hands.

I had tried so hard-- I was finally happy. I was finally free, but after hearing the news that my mother had died in a nasty car accident, I couldn't process it. All I wanted to do was disappear right there.

I'd relapsed, my wrists and thighs, which were once just covered in scars, were now covered in dark red blood, flesh being shown from some of the deeper cuts. I dropped the blade and decided that I was gonna end it all. I poured a generous amount of pills in my hand, putting them in my mouth and chugging water to swallow them all.

I was so tired of things looking up for me then falling, time and time again.

All I could think about was 'why me? Why am I the only one feeling this pain? Did I do something to upset God?' I cried and cried on my bathroom floor, shaking violently as I subtly heard banging on the door, but I didn't care. The music was too loud, my brain was too loud. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to leave this world and never return.

That was the last thing I remembered before I passed out.

-

The first thing I thought about was Sam. How selfish I'd been to not think of how much grief I'd put him through, but a part of me just wanted to give up despite that. Wouldn't that be easier? I can't tell.

I closed my eyes again, and just tried to fall asleep. I tried not to focus on the ringing in my ears, and tried to focus on something positive.

I couldn't hear anything. My head was pounding, and my body was aching.

After a few taps on my shoulder, I decided to open my eyes. My eyes readjusted to the light, and I looked up at the doctor.

I could just barely make out his voice.

"You will have to stay here for a while, but would you like visitors?" The doctor asked.

Would anybody even visit?

I nodded, and my head stopped pounding, my ears stopped ringing, and my eyes could see everything again. I took in a deep breath, and waited until the doctor left to sit up. It was very painful, but definitely more comfortable.

The doctor opened the door for someone, and then left immediately after. I looked up and saw Sam, his eyes red and puffy, almost like he had been crying. He looked a little malnourished, and he was shaky.

I felt worry rise in me. How long had I been asleep for?

"Sam.." my voice came out creaky because of not using it in a minute.

"Colby- Colby you- you almost died," Sam said, running up to me and hugging me. Even though it hurt, I didn't complain. I set a hand on his back to try and comfort him.

"Sam..I'm so sorry.." I said. "I shouldn't have done that. Believe me, I feel horrible.." I didn't continue. A lump got caught in my throat.

"Colby, I don't care, I'm just glad you're here. I-I mean, you've been out for two days, your pulse stopped before the paramedics even got here-- I.. I just want you to be okay.." Sam said.

"I'm so sorry Sammy.." I said, my voice cracking as I began crying again. Fuck, I was pathetic.

I managed to embrace him in a full hug, feeling how skinny and fragile he felt in my arms. Hell, even I'd lost some weight, but that was probably a good thing for me.

"Sam.. have you been eating?" I asked.

"I don't.. I don't know, Colby.." He said, and I just sighed.

I rubbed his back.

"Everything's okay now," I said, my voice a bit more steady.

I should stay alive.. for Sammy..

After a while, a nurse came in to check on me. She told me all of my vitals were fine, but she was gonna have me see a therapist because it was a reported attempted suicide. I just nodded, and didn't protest, but I did ask for Sam to be there with me while the therapist was there. Hesitantly, they agreed, and Sam was more than happy to stay with me.

I was nervous, but the therapist was nice. Her and Sam had me laughing again, and I was told I could be let out the next day.

The doctors, after lots of begging, let Sam stay with me overnight.

Now it was just me and him, and the sounds of crickets through the hospital window.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," was all I managed to say. The moonlight showed through the curtains, lighting up his face.

"Colby.." Sam said, looking into my eyes. I stared into his beautiful sky blue ones, almost getting lost in them.

"All I want you to do is be here. If you need something, you can talk to me. If you want something, tell me, and I'll do anything in my power to make you feel okay," Sam says, holding my cheeks. I feel tears making their way to my eyes.

"Sam.." I pull him into a tight hug, which he returned.

"Sam.. all I could ever want is in front of me," I said, not letting go. Sam hugged me tighter, and then loosened his grip, causing me to loosen mine.

"Let's get some sleep though, huh?" Sam suggested, and I nodded.

-~-