Be Silently Drawn || Remus Lupin & Hermione Granger

Chapter 36

"Hey, Moony — you still awake?" James whispered into the darkness of the boys' dormitory. "Moony!"

Remus groaned when James shook him. Well, he was awake now. "What do you want?"

His bed sank beside him with James's weight. "Why did Lily tell me to ask her out again on Monday? Why didn't she just say no and call me an arrogant toerag like she always does? Do you think she's just toying with me or what?"

Remus sat up, rubbing his eyes. He should've known this would be about Lily, the only girl who could rattle his normally unshakably confident friend. "You heard what Sirius said —"

"I want to know what you think. You talk to Lily more than Sirius and I do. She's never had a problem with you. She likes you."

"She doesn't talk to me about you, Prongs. But I think the only reason she would have told you to ask her out again is because she wants to say yes."

"If she does say yes, I'll be the happiest guy in the entire wizarding world," James uttered in a tone Remus had only heard him use when speaking about Lily under the cover of darkness. With more of his usual self-confidence, he added, "I plan on marrying her, you know. And we're going to have enough children to make our own Quidditch team. You'll be godfather to one of them of course."

"Promise me you won't open with those plans when you talk to her on Monday," Remus said in amusement. "You might scare her away."

James laughed. "I won't. It's taken me six years to get a maybe out of her. I won't screw this up now."

James went back to his bed and Remus lay against his own pillow, gripped with a sudden melancholy. He couldn't quite explain it. He was happy for James. James loved Lily and he was glad that his friend was finally getting his chance with her. Why, then, did he also feel so gloomy?

And then the reason struck him: he would never have the chance like James to be the "happiest guy in the entire wizarding world."

He'd always known he'd never have a normal life like his friends — he could never marry and have a family of his own because of what he was — yet it was only now that the reality of it all truly dawned on him: he would never know love. He was a werewolf; therefore, he was destined for loneliness while his friends were free to find love and happiness.

He turned over in bed, his heart heavy. He'd thought he'd already accepted his fate, but he couldn't help but let the unfairness of it all overwhelm him this moment. He didn't like to complain about his furry little problem or pity himself, but sometimes a terrible bitterness surged inside him. He felt it now and hated that he was a werewolf. He despised having to worry about the full moon and constantly being on guard lest his secret be revealed. He longed for the life he would have had if he'd never been bitten. He would have been normal like his friends, and he could have someday been a good husband and father. . . .

After a night full of fanciful thoughts, then dreams about the type of girl he would have liked to marry, a scent, one he'd never come across before yet was somehow familiar to him, and intensely alluring, stirred Remus from sleep late the next morning. He didn't fully register the warm body next to his, however, until his eyes slowly fluttered open to plaited brown hair and the figure of a girl in his embrace —

He started, jerking his arm away from the girl, who twisted around to face him, her eyes going wide when they met his. They both cried out in shock. Then he was crashing to the floor, the girl shrieking as he pulled the covers down with him.

He sprang up to his feet and blinked rapidly at the sight of the stranger standing on the other side of his bed. She glanced around his dormitory, looking as confused as he was alarmed.