The Girl With the Scars

Chapter Ten

Song for this chapter- DNA (Acoustic) by Little Mix

“Breathe, breathe” I hear and I open my eyes only to see a distorted figure. I try to get up but I get pushed back gently.

“Stay down” I hear and I fully open my eyes confused. I look around me and see smoke covering the streets, and people surrounding the place in herds. My head was pounding and my body was throbbing, I see blood covering my hands and I feel short of breath. I look up at the paramedic who was trying to transfer me into the ambulance.

“What happened?” I ask fighting the pain I felt everywhere.

"Please tell me" I said panicked when he ignored me. 

“A drunk driver crashed into the car you were in, the car is completely totaled but you got lucky, your boyfriend used his body as a shield to protect you during the impact” He says and he sees the concern laced into my eyes.

“Spencer” I breathe out.

"Miss I need you to stay calm" 

"Miss" 

“He’s being taken to the hospital right now” He says getting my attention and I try to get up again and fight the paramedic who was trying to keep my down.

"She's losing consciousness" 

"I need..."

I start feeling light headed and see the world before me turn into total darkness.

****

“She’s waking up” I hear my mom's shrill voice scream and I groan, my eyes fighting the bright light.

“5 more minutes mom” I say not wanting to wake up just yet.

“Honey, open your eyes” My mom says softly this time and I open my eyes realizing I was in the hospital.

Oh god.

“MOM S” I say and she tries to calm me down.

“Honey you need to stay down” She says and I look down at all the wires connecting me to the big machines.

I took deep breathes trying to make sense of everything that was happening. It was all happening too fast. I cant believe S would risk his life for mine, I was a liability and a burden to them, then why would he suddenly care so much?

Wouldn't he want me to die? That's what Jay wanted.

“Mom” I whisper my eyes full of regret and fear. This was all my fault. I should be the one dying not him.

“Spencer’s in surgery right now” Mom says looking at me sympathetically and I let out a shaky breath.

"Its my fault, its all my fault” I say and she wipes my tears and tries to hug me but I push her away. I push her away the same way I’ve pushed everyone else away in my life. I’m just bad luck and nothing more, no one has ever benefited from having me in their lives, I should have died today, I wish I could have died today. No one would miss me, and I think it would be a burden off my mom’s shoulders to finally not have me to worry about.

“Hailey” Mom says but I shake my head ‘no’, scoffing slightly.

“I'm not me anymore, I don’t really even know who I am, I've spent my entire life trying to achieve this perfection, I've tried to fit the mold that you had put out, and now I realize that I don’t even know who I am anymore” I say and my mom looks at me confused.

But before I could say anything else the doctor walked in.

“May I have a word with Hailey please, alone” He asks holding a pen and a brown clipboard.

“Anything you need to say to her, you can say in front of me” Mom says stubbornly and I roll my eyes. The doctor looks at me for permission and I shrug my shoulders.

“Its come to our intention that you had some injuries that weren’t caused by the accident” He says slowly and I look at him confused.

“What do you mean?” I ask and he sighs.

“Hailey, I know you may not want to talk about this at all but its my job to do this” He says cautiously and I look at him skeptically.

“Do you self harm Hailey?” He says and I feel my heart stop and the color drain out from my face. I look down at my hospital gown and realize that my scars were clearly visible.

“Hailey, why?” Mom says covering her mouth and letting a few tears escape.

I scoff surpising them.

“You have no right to cry about this mom, and don’t you dare ask me why. You were never there for me, you always said you knew me better than I knew myself, well please explain to me how you never noticed that I was falling, that I was breaking into a million pieces right in front of you! I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep, I couldn’t focus in school anymore, all I could think about was killing myself! All I wanted was for this “life” of mine to be over. I don’t blame you for this though mom, I hate myself, I hate what I've done to myself and I hate what I've become. I'm just a stupid depressed, suicidal teen that no one wants, I’m a freak that cuts and burns herself to feel some sort of escape. I’m a crazy person that tries to overdose on pills. I’m so sorry I’m not the daughter anyone would want, I'm sorry I’m not the perfect person you wanted me to be, but this is me now and I'm so so sorry” I say crying into my hands. I look up at my mom who was crying as well. She shakes her head and walks straight out of the room not saying a word to me.

I kindly ask the doctor to leave and he tries to reason with me but I refuse to listen.

“I’ll be right outside if you change your mind and want to talk okay” He says and I nod as he walks out and then  I finally let it all out. I shake and cry out loud, my mom was the only person I had left and now she probably never wants anything to do with me.

I’m done.