Starting Over

Chapter 17

"Papa?" Aria's softly calls, and I slowly bring my head up, wiping away the tears with the sleeves of my shirt.

"What's up, Rooster?" I ask with a thick voice, that I have to clear several times for me to feel like it won't crack when I speak again.

She sits down on her bum in front of me, her legs criss-crossed applesauce, and with sad eyes; "Papa, you never have failed me, or with me. You have been the best for me, and all I could ever ask for in a parent. You have always been there for me whenever I need you, and when I did not think or know I needed you. You have always been my rock when you yourself were broken, or being broken. You are the best papa that I have been graced with, and you love me unconditionally for who I am."

The dame of tears breaks again because I want to believe her, but how can I fully when I could not keep her other father happy enough with me to stay married to me?

"How can you love me when I was not good enough to keep your other father in our lives? I won't be good enough to keep Finn in our lives long term," I sob with a pain filled voice and body.

"Papa, I can love you despite of Elliot's treatment of us because we cannot control how others treat us," she replies, her voice filled with certainty. "With Finn, it is not just on you if you and him make what you have long term."

Sniffling, I stare at her as she gives me a small nod, and reassuring smile, and I nod even if I do not fully believe my wonderful daughter.

"Now, come on, we need to get off the floor, and feed ourselves," she grins, and both of us carefully stand from the floor with the use of the side of the bed.

Leaving the bedroom behind Aria, I stop to turn back around while telling her I am gonna clean my face first, and that they should start without me. She nods in understanding before continuing on her way. Walking back into the room, and then bathroom, I use the toilet, flush, and then wash my hands and face.

Wandering into the kitchen, feeling stupid for my meltdown, but I still feel as though my thoughts are correct. I drop my gaze once I am in the room feeling ashamed of my behavior instead of keeping it inside and to myself.

"Come sit, please," Finn gently requests, and I do as he asks without a word.

When I have settled in the chair next to Finn, and across from Jordan at the table, we begin eating in silence. Half of me wants to leave, but I know I will not be allowed too, while the other half of me does not want to be alone.

"Hayden?" Finn calls, gaining my attention, and I hum, realizing they already finished, and I have barely touched the pizza and salad that is in front of me. "Do you need some pain relief, is that why you have barley eaten?"

"No, just not really hungry," I murmur with a shrug of my shoulder. "Can I go back to sleep, please?"

"If you want," Finn answers, and he sounds a little confused, but I am sure I am wrong. "I will come lay with you in a couple of minutes."

"If you want, but I understand if you would rather be somewhere else, I understand that, too," I mumble as I slowly stand, clutching my ribs before leaving the kitchen.

Carefully lying on my back, resting my broken wrist on my chest, and close my eyes with a sigh of frustration. Several minutes later, the bedroom door quietly opens, and I know it is Finn because of his cologne.

"I am gonna lay down by you, okay?" he says, and I hum in agreement, and he does exactly this.

When he is settled on his back, I mumble; "Can I lay on your chest?"

"Yes, but won't that aggravate your ribs?" he worriedly answers.

"Maybe, but honestly, I do not care at the moment," I whisper, carefully moving myself to lie on his chest with my chest against his, and tuck my face into his neck.

Finn gently wraps his arms around my waist to avoid my ribs; "Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah," I sleepily reply, lightly kissing his warm neck in appreciation. "Sorry for being an emotional pain in the ass."

"You are not an emotional pain in the ass, Hayden," he murmurs, rubbing my hip bone gently. "You are allowed to have your feelings, and express these feelings."

"Are you staying the night here, or going to yours eventually?" I ask, hoping he is going to stay, but I will understand if he does not.

"I was planning on staying, if that is okay with you? My bag is in the living room, on the floor by the couch," he answers, now rubbing along my lower back, just above the waistline of my pajama pants.

"I would really like if you stayed, and slept right here with me," I murmur into his neck.

"Then it is settled, I am staying," he murmurs, giving my hip another gentle squeeze. "Go to sleep, love, I promise, I will be here when you wake again."

Humming at him in exhaustion, I let my eyes flutter shut, and let sleep take over me. Nightmares of the car crash, and very rough moments with Elliot plague my sleep.

"Stop! Please, stop!" I whimper, in my nightmare. "Elliot, you are hurting me, let go!"

In my nightmare, Elliot has my left wrist bent behind my back as he has done that in the past on several occasions in real life. Once, he had actually broke my wrist, and that was within the first two years he and I were together. He had also given me a dislocated left shoulder, dislocated right knee, and black eyes and busted lip on many different occasions.