healing | drarry

twenty-three

i have no motivation read write leave my bed or do anything at all and i hate being sober gna shoot myself in the face in a minute

~no pov

Draco returned to the Potter household with flowers, expensive wine and lots of chocolate: milk, white, dark, gluten free, sugar-free, milk-free, vegan, vegetarian. He overdid it for sure, but he just wanted to be inclusive. He didn't want to give chocolate and find out one of them was lactose intolerant or something like that.

That would be rude.

And they'd think he was cold and careless and arrogant and rude and spiteful and everything he was in Hogwarts, and he wasn't. Not anymore.

Harry didn't expect Malfoy to return with a three bags of food, two for the guests and one for the kids, which they definitely appreciated. He didn't expect Malfoy to have come back with messy hair yet again, which made the clueless brunet wonder what happened.

"The curry's done, and they're going to be here in a few minutes."

"Perfect." Draco didn't feel like he was the one talking. "I'll go freshen up. Excuse me."

Draco, who'd been over several times, made his way to the bathroom and locked the door with a sigh. He looked in the mirror and didn't recognise himself. He looked the same but felt different.

Despite that, he fixed his hair and made it look perfect, without gel and every other awful thing he used to put in his hair. He touched up his makeup, hid his blemishes and made sure his sleeves were rolled down after cutting. It became a habit to take blades around wherever he went.

And plasters. He was never sure when he would go too far.

He felt ready, and sprayed a little bit of perfume on himself before leaving the bathroom. When he saw Potter, the brunet seemed surprised and almost attracted to Draco. Draco ignored that, because it was all a facade. He felt like utter shit on the inside. 

But Malfoys never let anyone see them weak. No matter how shit you feel, Malfoys always look good. Draco made sure he abided by that Malfoy rule.

Draco sat down and spoke with his son for a bit before the doorbell rang. The brunet went to go answer as Draco willed his lungs to work like a normal person and begged himself not to do something dumb like have a panic attack in front of everyone. He sent the kids to Teddy's room in case things went awry. 

"Malfoy." 

Draco stood up immediately. "Granger, Weasley."

What else do I say? 

Fucking hell, say something else you knob. Be polite.

"How are you?"

That's such a dumb question you imbecile.

"I'm alright." Granger smiled, polite as ever. She sat down, her best friend and husband following, so Draco sat down too.

The three started up a conversation, which meant Draco had to follow along and pay attention in case he was supposed to be involved. He wasn't sure when he was supposed to do that, but he did.

Salazar, did I forget how to be social? I talk to muggles and that's no different to talking to wizards and witches. 

Come on, Draco. You know how to do this. Imagine your father- no don't. He hates people like them.

"So, Malfoy, what you been up to?" Ron asked, his tone ever so hostile. Hermione elbowed him discreetly.

"Not much. You?"

"Auror duties. Been catching war criminals. Surprisingly some are still around."

Fuck, that felt targeted.

"He's been an excellent father too." Granger smiled. "Our daughter, Rose, is four, just a bit younger than Teddy, and Hugo is two."

"You've got kids? That's wonderful. What are they like?"

"Rose is a delight but Hugo is a little troublemaker. Understandable, since Rose was the same. Ron thinks it's because he's a boy, but that's rather stereotypical."

"Statistically, boys are easier to raise than girls." Draco decided to mention. "Not that girls are bad, er, shit, sorry that sounded wrong."

"Blimey Harry, you were right. He is different." Weasley blurted out, making Draco feel a bit self-conscious. He wondered what they said about him. His palms got sweaty at the thought that they all talked about how awful he was and how they still hated him and-

"I suppose so." He said before realising how arrogant it sounded. "I owe you both apologies for how I treated you in Hogwarts. I was rude and misguided, not that I'm justifying it because I had no reason to be the way I did, but er, the point is, I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry for everything and I don't expect forgiveness, I just thought you should know."

"It's all good." Granger said softly. "It was years ago. You've changed for the better and I appreciate that."

"Really? Forgiveness that easy?" Weasley asked. "You're gonna move on just like that? Because- Ow."

Granger elbowed him particularly hard, which Draco noticed this time. He didn't blame Weasley for what he was saying, before he was cut off. In fact, he wanted to hear what he said.

"I'm sorry, he's immature even though he's supposedly grown up. I'd prefer if we moved on and opened up to new possibilities rather than stay stuck in the past." 

"Bla bla, you were an ass and I don't have to forgive you just because you don't have magic and suddenly became polite."

Draco didn't know how to respond, but pulled out some bullshit regardless. "That's understandable. You don't have to forgive me. I just thought it'd be better if I apologised regardless, because it's better to do so than not."

"You sound so posh and uptight and it's really bothering me. Why can't you just admit you're still a twat and move on?"

"Ron, a word, please?" Granger asked with a harsh tone, and Draco almost felt bad for him. 

But he couldn't, because he was still a twat, wasn't he? He wanted to be rude and prove the ginger to be right, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he tried so hard to change and it would be so fucking pointless to revert to his old self.

Besides, he didn't wake up and become an angel. He took his time changing who he was and matured, and he wasn't going to throw away his progress because Ronald Weasley provoked him.

"I'm sorry, I should've warned you that-"

"It's alright, Potter." Draco tried his best not to sound harsh, because he wanted to snap so badly. "It was expected. You only forgave me for Teddy. He had no reason to push aside his hatred."

"I wanted to for Teddy, but you proved to be better. That's why I forgave you. I love my son, but not enough to put aside such a big part of my life just for him. It was for me, too, alright?"

Such a big part of my life.

"If you say so. I think it's best if I leave." He tried to stand up but was stopped.

"Don't. We haven't eaten or even properly talked. Hermione wanted to talk to you, understand who you are now. Don't deprive her of that opportunity."

I don't feel like eating.

No. Don't go down that path again. Saying that once only leads to saying it every day and before you know it you're collapsing in the middle of Tesco and waking up in hospital with a concerned Tesco's worker waiting for you.

"I just- I don't want to provoke Weasley any further. If my presence bothers him, it'd be best if I just left-"

"You're my friend too." Potter said simply. "I want you both to get along. If you can't, I actually don't care. I'm allowed to be selfish."

Draco had no choice but to stay.