healing | drarry

twelve

i hate everyone SO MUCH i give up people SUCK

~no pov

Harry was stuck thinking about his enemy- well, used-to-be-enemy. He didn't mention it to his friends, but he was stuck thinking about it: why did Malfoy spend at least half an hour in the bathroom? 

He came out looking like a right state as well; hair tousled, like he'd tried to rip it out, clothes just a smidge unperfect, and his face was completely different. It was clear, after, that Malfoy had been wearing makeup of some sort, but when he returned, his face was bare, meaning his dark circles were visible and his face looked paler.

was he... crying? 

what if he was having a panic attack or something?

Harry shook off those ideas. He knew that if he came to the conclusion that Malfoy was suffering, his hero complex was reignite like a flame and Malfoy would become Harry's hyperfixation, his obsession, again.

He did not need that. Sixth year was too much. He was sure he could still remember exactly what and how much Malfoy ate, drank, or when he slept and when he snuck out of his room to fix a magical cupboard.

Harry shook his head, mentally throwing out the thoughts of Malfoy and keeping them far away. He had to focus on himself, since he was about to go see his therapist.

He was better, scarily enough, in a short time. But then again, he'd been suffering for so long, and he'd been recovering and relapsing over and over in that time.

"Something's on your mind, Harry." Etheria smiled. "Care to share?"

pending

"How do you know? Don't tell me you did Legilimency on me? You know that's technically illegal, or at least a major violation of privacy-"

"Harry, I'm your therapist." Etheria laughed. "I've known you an awfully long time; of course I'll know when something's on your mind."

"It has been a while, huh?" He sighed. "Right, well, basically, you know Malfoy? Of course you do, I mean, he's a famous war criminal, and I've spoke about him before. Basically, he has a kid."

"He does?"

"Yeah. And his kid found my kid and they became best friends, which is absolutely hilarious since I turned Malfoy's hand down when I met little him." 

Etheria shrugged. "People try hard to parent their kids differently to how they were parented. That usually means their kids would be completely different to how they were in their youth. Breaking the cycle."

"Fair enough. I guess I'm doing that with Teddy, even if he's not biologically mine." 

"Does that matter to you?"

Harry looked up, surprised. This was not supposed to be the subject of their session. "What?"

"Does it matter to you, that Teddy isn't biologically yours?"

"No.. well, maybe." Harry began. "He's basically mine, if you think about it. Makes himself look like me, acts like me in a way, and well, I raised him. I'm still raising him. I love him like my own and he loves me the same. I don't think it matters much."

"Does it matter in the way that your childhood is different to his?" The platinum blonde asked. "Were you afraid you couldn't break the cycle?"

Harry swallowed uncomfortably. They'd talked about his childhood enough, but talking about Teddy as well was new territory. "I mean, yeah, I guess. Was one of the reasons I didn't want to keep him."

"Have you ever almost hurt him?"

"No. Never." Harry replied immediately. He didn't have to think about that. "One of the reasons I'm glad he's not biologically mine is that it feels like he won't have my genetic flaws. Feels like I can't hurt him if he isn't mine, you know? Besides, I'd rather hurt myself than hurt him."

"Have you?" 

"Not in a while. Nearly three years." 

"I'm proud of you, Harry."

The brunet simply smiled, proud of himself too. 

"So, Malfoy?"

"He's got a kid, best friends with mine. So they made us agree to a playdate, and we agreed to settle our differences, though Malfoy didn't really have an issue with me anymore, and he was at my house, drinking coffee and eating like we didn't have such a strong history."

"Does that bother you?"

"A little bit." He replied after a minute. "Like, I love Teddy, and I'd do anything for him, and yes it's been seven years, and I'm the reason why Malfoy could even have a kid, but it felt rushed. I mean, our history is complicated and difficult and the kids wouldn't get it, but.. I don't know. I think, maybe, I needed more time to be okay with Malfoy. It feels rushed."

Etheria thought things over for a moment. "You two needed to meet on your own terms, not because of your kids. You two are obviously selfless when it comes to your children, so that means you couldn't really have a proper opinion on each other now, right?"

"Right, but I did kinda confront him and tell him if I think he's still dodgy, I'd stop our kids from hanging out." 

"And did you?"

"No." Harry admitted like it was a crime. "Even after everything I just said, I accepted him, I guess. I'm okay with him now because he's different, but there's still the old him that I feel like I need to confront, you know? But he isn't the old Malfoy anymore, so I can't."

"You need closure."

She was right, Harry realised. He needed closure from someone who was basically dead. There were barely any signs of the old Malfoy anymore, like he fell with the Fallen; like he was taken away with his magic. 

How would he get closure from a person who was basically dead? Would he have to ask Malfoy to be a snob again so they could fight and make up? 

godric, this is so much effort. why can't i just accept him?

"How do I get closure from him if he's a whole new person? The Malfoy I have issues with is gone." 

"That is your closure. The person you have issues with is gone, and there's a new, better person now. Your closure is accepting the new Malfoy and befriending him, letting him in. The best revenge is no revenge at all."

Harry breathed out, laughing at the same time. "You're so smart Etheria. I'm glad you're my therapist."

"I'm glad I got the Great Saviour as my patient." 

"You know what, you didn't fangirl over me and I'm so grateful for that." 

Etheria rolled her eyes jokingly. "Yeah well, you're not all that anyways." 

"Shut up, I'm all that and more."