healing | drarry

twenty

am i on a roll

lets not jinx it

update i was on a roll very happy that i got this finished (took me way too long)

~no pov

"Are you alright, father?" Scorpius asked the moment he was home, and Draco scolded himself internally for making it so obvious that he was a fucking train wreck.

He couldn't let his son know how unstable he was. That wasn't fair on him. Growing up in a household with someone who had mental health issues was never easy, especially when that someone was the only person who could take care of you.

For five years he'd never let himself slip up in front of his son, not enough to make him realise how fucked up his father was, and Draco was not going to let that happen now. Not because Potter asked him one simple question and he couldn't get his shit together.

"I'm perfect, Scorpius. How was your night?"

Harry was incredibly confused when Malfoy upped and left, and he didn't like it. He didn't like the way the blond shut down on himself and pushed Harry away before leaving.

Maybe he shouldn't have asked such a personal question. The past was better left not spoken of, or at least he told himself before he met Etheria. After Etheria he found himself so open to talking that he let his two best friends in. He never regretted that, because they were there when it was bad and took Teddy away so Harry wouldn't have the guilt of traumatising Teddy.

And then one of them would come back to take care of him, and he felt safe. He loved Ron and Hermione for still being there even after everything. Through all his ups and downs, and even his fucking death in a goddamn war, they stayed. They fought with him, and he'd be eternally grateful for that.

And in turn, he was there for them. Ron and Hermione were less dependent since they had each other, but when they were both struggling, Harry would put his own issues aside and look after his best friends, or their kids if they wanted to help each other instead.

And he was okay with that. But Malfoy didn't have that, or maybe he did, but Harry still wanted to be there. Like he said, taking care of someone else helped him not focus on his own pain and it made him feel fulfilled.

And besides, he naturally had a saviour complex. He wanted to fix every broken person in the world, even though fixing someone was impossible and the entire world couldn't heal because everything was fucked up somehow and not everyone could get magic to help with that.

Sometimes he wished he could use magic to help muggles. Like his friend Lucy from primary school, who suffered the same way he did at home. But he didn't even know Lucy anymore. He barely knew anyone from the muggle world, save from Dudley who he got in touch with after the war.

It was nice being on good terms with Dudley, but he knew he couldn't talk to Vernon again. Not after everything the man put him through. Petunia, he'd spoken to a few times. He understood her grief for Lily after the war and that made him see her differently, but that didn't change the way Petunia hurt him as well.

It just meant he found it easier to forgive her. Etheria wanted him to forgive Vernon too, but she was accepting when he broke down and told her how he couldn't, because the man made his childhood hell and school was hell and everything sucked when he needed a father figure most and never had that.

He didn't want to think about that, though. Learning how to live alone was painful when he was surrounded by people who should've taught him. Surrounded by people who loved each other but not him.

That's why going through so much at once was so easy, because when you don't have the time to think about everything, and more and more keeps piling up, it's easier to just keep climbing. But eventually everything stops and there's no more to climb and you just fall and fall and get lost in the mess you've made because you didn't take it one bit at a time.

That's why life after the war was so rough, and he was lucky to have three years to try to get better before he had someone else to think about. Malfoy only got two years, and those two years were surely rough, and Harry felt bad for the blond because of that.

And he was back to thinking about Malfoy, the blond that occupied his mind more than Voldemort did in sixth year, and now was taking over his thoughts like a virus all over again. He couldn't stop thinking about his former enemy and how much he wanted to erase everything from before the war and become friends with Malfoy.

But he was friends with the blond, and everything was different. In a good way.

Yet Harry wanted to dive into the blond's mind, find out everything he missed and learn and heal with him. He so desperately wanted Malfoy to pour out his heart to him and let Harry take care of him and he didn't know why.

This was different to his sixth-year obsession because back then he wanted to find out what Malfoy was up to and stop him, but now he wanted to find out what Malfoy was hiding and help him. He wanted to heal with him.

It baffled Harry. He wondered if something was wrong with him and he was deflecting, like Etheria would say. But Etheria wasn't there to rationalise his behaviour and tell him what to do, and she wouldn't until tomorrow at three in the afternoon for an hour. 

And he couldn't wait. He was never really excited to have therapy unless he had something he wanted to talk about and now he did. Etheria surely must be fed up of hearing about a Death Eater, right?

But Harry didn't care because that wasn't who Malfoy was anymore and he'd proved it. He wanted everyone to know that. He wanted everyone to know Malfoy was a good person, someone Harry was obsessed with in a good way now, because that meant he had to be a good person, because Harry was light, and everyone trusted his decisions.

Save from fifth year. That was frustrating.

He wanted Malfoy to be redeemed and that would mean everyone would accept the fact that Harry Potter was infatuated with him.

Oh shit.

Harry was infatuated with Draco Malfoy.

bro im writing so fast im not sleeping until i lose motivation