𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷

Teenage Dream

Logan's POV

Our first time playing and I fumbled... bad. I broke one of the rules and kissed Sev. I fucked up, I know. I swear it wasn't on purpose. I just got caught up. I know Bronwyn doesn't see it that way though. She probably thinks I'm in love with Sev now. I'm not in love, but I am infatuated with her. And was long before we stuck our tongues down each other's throat. But I can't tell her that.I don't wanna hurt her and damn sure don't want her to hurt me.

I was worried all the way home that night and for days after, that Bron was gonna kill me. I've been sleeping with one eye open for two weeks now, and she hasn't said one word about it. Now I'm worried because she hasn't said one word about it. What does that mean? Does she not care? Did she break the rule too? Maybe she didn't see it. Fuck outta here Logan, it's Bronwyn. Of course she saw it. Her not saying anything about it is stressing me the fuck out. I wish she would curse me out, punch me in the face or something to just get this over with. I'm not gonna be the one to bring it up though.

After playing, we're supposed to make time to reconnect with each other. Talk about it. Tell how we feel. What we liked, didn't like, or if we even want to do it again. We haven't fucked in two weeks, and we haven't talked about it... at all. She's just going on like nothing happened and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about Sev. The way she's so open for me got me excited for the next time. If there is a next time. Damn, I hope it's a next time. I wanna feel her again. I wanna taste her again. I promise I will keep my lips to myself and not kiss her. Well kiss her lips. The ones on her face that is.

In hindsight, I really don't think it was a good idea for us to start this lifestyle with Sev and Trystan. We should've started with some random ass couple that we'd never see again. The four of us run in the same circle and see each other all the time. Sev has been the only photographer we use for both our business and our family, but the main reason we shouldn't have started with them is because there were already feelings there. My crush led to infatuation and infatuation is just as strong a feeling as love. Which is the whole reason why people confuse the two. I've always been good at recognizing one from the other, and I never felt either until Bronwyn. We were so young. Too young to be talking about forever.

18 year old me had no rules, no guidance, and was reckless as hell. I was fucking everything. Girls were throwing pussy left and right and I was like MLB great Roy Campanella, catching 'em all. Bounce them on my dick, then throw their asses right back to their boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, whoever, crying because they were infatuated thinking we were gonna be in a relationship. Fuck a relationship, I just wanted to fuck and I didn't lie about it. They knew exactly what they were getting from me... dicked down, end of story.

Then enter Bronwyn, untouched, unscathed, unaffected by the streets. The daughter of a cop that I was tasked with seducing our way out of a criminal investigation, instead I fucked around and fell in love. Just like that, without having fucked her, without having touched her I decided she was it and I was done. At 18. Fuck was I thinking? Must've been all that kissing we were doing.

Don't get me wrong, she's my whole heart. I don't think I could ever love anybody as much as I love her, but I wonder where I'd be right now if I had just stayed away and not followed her to Langston. If I had just let my last time seeing her and kissing her be that night in front of her dad's house. I can't even imagine it.

Without her, I'd probably be doing a bid with the Feds, while I got 7 kids and 4 baby mommas putting their welfare checks on my books waiting for me to come home and not be with nan one of 'em. Or I would probably be dead and just a faint ass memory to every crew I ran with and every bitch I ran through. Not winning either way. Nah I'm good. I'm glad I sat my ass down. The streets don't give a damn about nobody. Bronwyn upgraded the fuck outta me. Had me wanting to change, wanting to be better just so I could deserve the chance to breathe her air.

Still I can't help but feel like I missed out on the things young men 19, 20, 21, hell even now at 28 should've experienced. I think on some level Bron feels the same way. We've never talked about it, but then it was never an issue until now.

In the meantime though I gotta try to figure out where her head is at with this kiss before I lose my fucking mind worrying about it.

Bronwyn's POV

I had so many emotions after that night and realized we jumped into that experience totally unprepared and with very little information. I did some research and found a club for swingers that we could join. At first I was hesitant to reach out to them, but I'm glad I did. The coach there explained how it's totally normal to feel jealous or a little insecure during and after that first time. Damn, if I didn't feel both. This is so far out of my comfort zone that I could honestly never do it again and be okay. But Trystan. I want to see him again. I want to feel him again. I wanna see how many licks it takes to get to his sweet cream. I didn't get the chance last time so it's high priority for next time. There will be a next time.

I'm gonna have to suppress what I want for just a little while longer because Logan's on punishment. I know he wants to fuck Sev again. And he will. When I say so. I wasn't wrong about them connecting that night. He kissed her on the mouth hard. He meant that shit. I can't explain in words how badly I wanted to windmill them both. Just go full crazy on their asses. But I know that's what Logan expected, so I did the opposite. I didn't even acknowledge it. Emotional punishment works so much better. I know it's driving his ass crazy and I do not care.

I love his reckless ass so much, and have since I was 18 years old. I know people cringe at our marriage. Wondering why we'd "give up" our youth to a relationship. We were married at 22, had our first baby at 23 and then two more at 26. I know this isn't ideal for everyone, and it ain't for the faint at heart. Say what you want, but getting married young yields a special kind of perseverance that not everyone can withstand. Not even 30+ folks because they're dead set in their ways. I'm a better woman because of him and he's a better man because of me.

Even though I regret nothing, I do wish I could've had more experiences. Logan was my first everything and even after Cairo in college, I still feel like he's the only one I know. He is all I know, both sexually and relationship wise. I'm not complaining because he treats me well and protects my heart, my body, and my mind. And I'm definitely not complaining about the sex because he fucks me so damn good, but I would have liked to date around more before becoming somebody's wife and mother.

I know he loves me, but I also know that he feels like he's missed out on some life and living. Though he would never admit this to me thinking it would hurt my feelings. Our hidden desires are the reason why I suggested we try this new lifestyle.

The coach said swinging can either bring us closer together or tear us apart and that the more experiences we have, the more open we become which alleviates feelings of jealousy. I wanna get there. In the meantime though we need an experience outside of Trystan and Sev.