Seven Swans | BTS |

~17~

     My heart felt like it was in my throat as I shut my bedroom door and leaned against the back of it. I was actually in shock, that Taehyung had actually just made me flustered. As much as I could deny it with my mind, my body couldn't.

I was trembling, from fright or excitement I didn't know, but I had half a mind to go back downstairs and confront him again, just to see what would happen. Or better yet, his room was right next to mine. It wouldn't be hard to just walk a couple of steps down the hall.

      However, once I collapsed back on my bed with a little bounce, I realized that might not be such a good idea. It seems every time we are by ourselves it's always one of two things: something questionable happens, or we almost die.

      I was trying to remind myself that both of those things were bad, and that I shouldn't have any sort of thrill seeking attitude when it came down to it.. So what if Taehyung was incredibly attractive? So what if he looked at me like wanted to swallow me whole? So what if I wanted to let him for a brief, brief moment...

      And he saved me...why? I couldn't wrap my head around that. I didn't believe whatever lame excuse he gave about Namjoon. When the breath ran out of my lungs, I thought that was it. When my eyes closed in the water, I wasn't anticipating opening them again.

      And yet, when I did, Taehyung was so close that I panicked. I felt the slightest wave of guilt as I remembered the faint bruise on his cheek. I tentatively slid my finger against my bottom lip, remembering what it felt like for the split second his lips were touching mine. What would it be like if he actually kissed me? Would it feel the same?

     I decided to take a shower, to try and wash away any thoughts I shouldn't be thinking. I ended up just standing there, letting the steaming hot water run down my skin. My mind wandered to a darker place. I remembered how Alec looked at me while I was handcuffed in front of him. No, his real name was Dimitri. I should get used to calling him that now.

     I used to love the way he looked at me. I used to love it when his arctic blue eyes froze me over. He said that he loved me once, just one time. And I'll never forget it, and how lucky I felt, and how stupid I was to believe it. He never loved me after all, and what was more stupid was to believe he could ever be capable of love in the first place. My so-called "friends" never cared about me either. Handing me off to the facility was proof enough of that. They all just used me, just like Bangtan was doing now. Albeit, the circumstances were a little different...

     I turned off the water and the faucet squeaked at me. I grabbed the deep green towel from the rack and started to dry myself off, the memories I wanted to forget looming over me. Of course, being in this underground business world full of criminals and killers alike, it wasn't easy to open up and sing kumbaya with anyone. But back then, I thought I had found a new family, people I could always depend on. It was enough to keep me going at the time.

      I was wrong. Dead wrong. Dimitri had been one of them, and I let him see more of me than I ever thought I would let anyone see. And now, he can use that against me. That's what happens when you let someone in. They can destroy you from the inside out, without a second thought.

That's why, even though I had momentarily entertained the thought of becoming closer in any way to any of the Bangtan boys, it probably wouldn't be a good decision. For multiple reasons. Though, when did I ever make good decisions?

      With my mind running rampant like this, there was no way I was going back to sleep, so I slipped on some clean clothes, throwing Taehyung's shirt on the bed and already missing the faint lavender scent that was emitting from it. The sunrise was starting to peek through the curtains now, so I knew a couple hours had passed since I last went downstairs. Before I opened my door, I hoped and prayed Taehyung was in his room, sleeping.